April 23, 2026
"When Bipolar Disorder Is Used as an Excuse: What Partners and Caregivers Are Never Told"
Your Get Out of Jail Free Card
Medication alone isn't enough. If your partner or loved one is living with bipolar disorder but still drinking, gambling, using THC, smoking, or putting themselves in overstimulating environments like cruise ships — environments that are well-known triggers for mood dysregulation — they are not doing their part. And when they're not doing their part, they're unstable. And when they're unstable, the person who pays that price is you.
This episode is my get out of jail free card — and maybe yours too.
When someone with bipolar refuses to address the lifestyle factors that destabilize them, the people closest to them absorb the fallout: the irritability, the anger, the emotional cruelty that comes out when the illness is running hot. That's not love. That's not something you're obligated to endure indefinitely.
I'm not here to villainize anyone living with bipolar. I know how hard this illness is. But I am here to say clearly what nobody else in this space seems willing to say: you cannot manage someone else's illness for them. You can love them, support them, advocate for them — and still recognize that their choices have consequences that land on you. Don't be the frog that slowly dies because they're in slowly increasing water temperature that eventually boils.
1
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,200
Hello everyone, this is kind of
spur of the moment.
2
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,520
I don't know how long it'll be
but I wanted to tell you first
3
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,200
like I always do.
Bipolar is a spectrum.
4
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,800
Some people have it worse, some
people have it better.
5
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,360
Something that really helped me
get over this, I've been gone
6
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:20,280
for 10 months now, is the fact
that she really never took care
7
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,800
of herself.
And let me explain.
8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,520
I at least have always had
tremendous guilt since I left.
9
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,200
I've always believed marriage is
marriage and you always stick it
10
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,800
through, but I couldn't.
As we all know.
11
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,600
I'm in a wheelchair now trying
to figure out how to learn to
12
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,480
walk again.
However, the reason I'm talking
13
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:45,360
about that is because the guilt
for me really caused me a lot of
14
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:49,240
emotional pain for a long time
because I know she's hurting.
15
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,440
I know she needs me or somebody
stable in her life, but I can't
16
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,600
be responsible for her anymore.
And what I'm getting to is, is
17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:02,120
that you need to look through if
you're a partner and your
18
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,840
partner has bipolar and they're
driving you nuts, which
19
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,640
unfortunately is probably the
case.
20
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,800
Not all of them.
There's many success stories
21
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:16,240
too, is what's what are they
doing to manage their illness?
22
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,280
Excuse me, what are they doing
to manage their illness?
23
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,080
Mine, I now know.
I was with her for 10 years.
24
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,200
She loved to gamble, so we
gambled all the time.
25
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,440
She loved to drink and she loved
to smoke, especially during
26
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,760
gambling, OK.
And when we weren't even
27
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,920
gambling, she liked to drink at
least two or three times a week.
28
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,920
And sometimes we would just get
trashed.
29
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:47,000
Well, for me, I'm 64 now, but
yeah, I know, whatever.
30
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,680
Don't judge me too much, but I
can, I can do that once or twice
31
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:55,080
a week and be just fine.
I get hungover the next day and
32
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,000
I say that's stupid and then I
might do it the next week or
33
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,840
whatever.
Now that I'm in a wheelchair I
34
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,640
don't drink at all.
It's been 2 years so which is
35
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,360
fine.
What I'm getting to though is
36
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,639
just taking medicine For a
person without polar, bipolar is
37
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,160
not enough.
The medicine is strong medicine
38
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:22,240
and it interacts with booze,
smoking, gambling, cruise ships,
39
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:29,320
and THC gummies.
Let me give you one guess.
40
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,000
How many of those above things
does my wife do?
41
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,160
All of them.
Because they're self medicating.
42
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,160
They think they're doing OK by
being medicated.
43
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,880
All right, but she didn't go to
a psychiatrist very often.
44
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,000
That's another red flag for you.
If they're just going to a
45
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,160
therapist every once in a while.
That doesn't cut the mustard
46
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,520
people.
That's not taking care of their
47
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,720
illness because at the end of
the day, they are responsible
48
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,400
for their illness, not you and
not me.
49
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:04,600
Let that sink in because it's
absolutely true gambling.
50
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:09,400
It's a high high.
I mean all the lights and the
51
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:14,320
noises and the people and also
the high activity area, which is
52
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,760
the bad for a bipolar person.
A cruise ship, same thing.
53
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,440
Tons of people gamblings on the
ship, people around lights,
54
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:28,720
action activities 24/7.
That destabilizes them.
55
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,480
And so my wife in particular,
she never really changed her
56
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:39,320
Med, their medicine regime.
I don't I don't know when she
57
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,040
ever did.
At the very first she let me be
58
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,200
in with her psychiatrist and
people, but after that she
59
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,600
didn't.
What I'm getting to once again
60
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,960
is if you're feeling guilty of
not being able to be with this
61
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:57,320
person because you can't hang
with them, understand it's not
62
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,960
your job to hang with them.
And Jesus, I know, believe me,
63
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,120
words are so easy to say, but
it's so hard to do.
64
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,880
Don't get me wrong, I love
everybody here, but I'm just
65
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:14,200
telling you from my experience,
One thing that let me out of my
66
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,440
cage, if you want to call it
that, of being codependent and
67
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,760
thinking, oh, this poor woman is
is suffering and there's nothing
68
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,720
I can do or I failed as a man to
help her.
69
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,080
She didn't do that from the
beginning.
70
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,120
I've known her ten years.
I didn't know this 10 years ago.
71
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,600
I didn't know bipolar people had
no business smoking, no business
72
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:39,040
drinking, no business gambling,
no business going on cruise
73
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,360
ships.
Unless they're medicated
74
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:45,080
correctly and it has to be done
correctly.
75
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:51,800
Otherwise if they're not, guess
who pays the price exactly.
76
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,640
You do.
You pay the price because
77
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,600
they're irritable, they're
angry, you'll never be good
78
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,200
enough.
They don't have any empathy when
79
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,440
they're hypomanic.
But it feels so good.
80
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,880
Remember, being hypomanic or
manic is literally an addiction.
81
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,000
They're addicted to that
feeling.
82
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,560
Just like heroin.
People are addicted to heroin or
83
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,280
cocaine to cocaine.
They're addicted to that feeling
84
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:18,720
and they love it.
My wife, four or five years ago,
85
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,920
it was wild.
I didn't realize it at the time,
86
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,000
but she was definitely
hypomatic.
87
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,640
Guess what?
She was drinking two or three
88
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,440
monsters a day.
Did that for years.
89
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,120
Well, I got on her butt
constantly because it because,
90
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,600
not because I didn't know.
It wasn't good for bipolar
91
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,840
because I didn't know.
But I knew any human being in
92
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,880
the early 60s has no business
drinking two or three monsters a
93
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,840
day.
Just don't.
94
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,600
So but who paid the price for
her not taking care of her
95
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,040
illness?
Me.
96
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:53,760
Who's paying the price of your
significant other not taking
97
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,560
care of their bipolar?
You.
98
00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:00,120
So at least for me, it let me
out of jail a little bit to
99
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,680
understand that even though she
was taking her medicine, she
100
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,640
went to a therapist every month
or two.
101
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,360
She never, hardly ever went to a
psychiatrist and she did all
102
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,400
those other things.
She was not taking care of her
103
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,720
illness, which makes them more
irritable, more difficult to be
104
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,520
around, less empathy, and it
only makes the the progression
105
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,160
of the illness worse.
So I hope this helps everybody.
106
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:27,360
Please encourage people to, to,
to listen to my podcast and
107
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,440
please give me a comment or two
on what you think, whether you
108
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,560
think it's appropriate or not.
All right, you can post
109
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,080
anonymously, I believe, but give
us a thought.
110
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,720
Thank you very much.
You take care.
111
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:39,360
Bye.
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,200
Hello everyone, this is kind of
spur of the moment.
2
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,520
I don't know how long it'll be
but I wanted to tell you first
3
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,200
like I always do.
Bipolar is a spectrum.
4
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,800
Some people have it worse, some
people have it better.
5
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,360
Something that really helped me
get over this, I've been gone
6
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:20,280
for 10 months now, is the fact
that she really never took care
7
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,800
of herself.
And let me explain.
8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,520
I at least have always had
tremendous guilt since I left.
9
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,200
I've always believed marriage is
marriage and you always stick it
10
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,800
through, but I couldn't.
As we all know.
11
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,600
I'm in a wheelchair now trying
to figure out how to learn to
12
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,480
walk again.
However, the reason I'm talking
13
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:45,360
about that is because the guilt
for me really caused me a lot of
14
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:49,240
emotional pain for a long time
because I know she's hurting.
15
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,440
I know she needs me or somebody
stable in her life, but I can't
16
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,600
be responsible for her anymore.
And what I'm getting to is, is
17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:02,120
that you need to look through if
you're a partner and your
18
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,840
partner has bipolar and they're
driving you nuts, which
19
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,640
unfortunately is probably the
case.
20
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,800
Not all of them.
There's many success stories
21
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:16,240
too, is what's what are they
doing to manage their illness?
22
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,280
Excuse me, what are they doing
to manage their illness?
23
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,080
Mine, I now know.
I was with her for 10 years.
24
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,200
She loved to gamble, so we
gambled all the time.
25
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,440
She loved to drink and she loved
to smoke, especially during
26
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,760
gambling, OK.
And when we weren't even
27
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,920
gambling, she liked to drink at
least two or three times a week.
28
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,920
And sometimes we would just get
trashed.
29
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:47,000
Well, for me, I'm 64 now, but
yeah, I know, whatever.
30
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,680
Don't judge me too much, but I
can, I can do that once or twice
31
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:55,080
a week and be just fine.
I get hungover the next day and
32
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,000
I say that's stupid and then I
might do it the next week or
33
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,840
whatever.
Now that I'm in a wheelchair I
34
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,640
don't drink at all.
It's been 2 years so which is
35
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,360
fine.
What I'm getting to though is
36
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,639
just taking medicine For a
person without polar, bipolar is
37
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,160
not enough.
The medicine is strong medicine
38
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:22,240
and it interacts with booze,
smoking, gambling, cruise ships,
39
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:29,320
and THC gummies.
Let me give you one guess.
40
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,000
How many of those above things
does my wife do?
41
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,160
All of them.
Because they're self medicating.
42
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,160
They think they're doing OK by
being medicated.
43
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,880
All right, but she didn't go to
a psychiatrist very often.
44
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,000
That's another red flag for you.
If they're just going to a
45
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,160
therapist every once in a while.
That doesn't cut the mustard
46
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,520
people.
That's not taking care of their
47
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,720
illness because at the end of
the day, they are responsible
48
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,400
for their illness, not you and
not me.
49
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:04,600
Let that sink in because it's
absolutely true gambling.
50
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:09,400
It's a high high.
I mean all the lights and the
51
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:14,320
noises and the people and also
the high activity area, which is
52
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,760
the bad for a bipolar person.
A cruise ship, same thing.
53
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,440
Tons of people gamblings on the
ship, people around lights,
54
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:28,720
action activities 24/7.
That destabilizes them.
55
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,480
And so my wife in particular,
she never really changed her
56
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:39,320
Med, their medicine regime.
I don't I don't know when she
57
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,040
ever did.
At the very first she let me be
58
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,200
in with her psychiatrist and
people, but after that she
59
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,600
didn't.
What I'm getting to once again
60
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,960
is if you're feeling guilty of
not being able to be with this
61
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:57,320
person because you can't hang
with them, understand it's not
62
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,960
your job to hang with them.
And Jesus, I know, believe me,
63
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,120
words are so easy to say, but
it's so hard to do.
64
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,880
Don't get me wrong, I love
everybody here, but I'm just
65
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:14,200
telling you from my experience,
One thing that let me out of my
66
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,440
cage, if you want to call it
that, of being codependent and
67
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,760
thinking, oh, this poor woman is
is suffering and there's nothing
68
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,720
I can do or I failed as a man to
help her.
69
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,080
She didn't do that from the
beginning.
70
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,120
I've known her ten years.
I didn't know this 10 years ago.
71
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,600
I didn't know bipolar people had
no business smoking, no business
72
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:39,040
drinking, no business gambling,
no business going on cruise
73
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,360
ships.
Unless they're medicated
74
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:45,080
correctly and it has to be done
correctly.
75
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:51,800
Otherwise if they're not, guess
who pays the price exactly.
76
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,640
You do.
You pay the price because
77
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,600
they're irritable, they're
angry, you'll never be good
78
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,200
enough.
They don't have any empathy when
79
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,440
they're hypomanic.
But it feels so good.
80
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,880
Remember, being hypomanic or
manic is literally an addiction.
81
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,000
They're addicted to that
feeling.
82
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,560
Just like heroin.
People are addicted to heroin or
83
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,280
cocaine to cocaine.
They're addicted to that feeling
84
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:18,720
and they love it.
My wife, four or five years ago,
85
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,920
it was wild.
I didn't realize it at the time,
86
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,000
but she was definitely
hypomatic.
87
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,640
Guess what?
She was drinking two or three
88
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,440
monsters a day.
Did that for years.
89
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,120
Well, I got on her butt
constantly because it because,
90
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,600
not because I didn't know.
It wasn't good for bipolar
91
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,840
because I didn't know.
But I knew any human being in
92
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,880
the early 60s has no business
drinking two or three monsters a
93
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,840
day.
Just don't.
94
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,600
So but who paid the price for
her not taking care of her
95
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,040
illness?
Me.
96
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:53,760
Who's paying the price of your
significant other not taking
97
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,560
care of their bipolar?
You.
98
00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:00,120
So at least for me, it let me
out of jail a little bit to
99
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,680
understand that even though she
was taking her medicine, she
100
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,640
went to a therapist every month
or two.
101
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,360
She never, hardly ever went to a
psychiatrist and she did all
102
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,400
those other things.
She was not taking care of her
103
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,720
illness, which makes them more
irritable, more difficult to be
104
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,520
around, less empathy, and it
only makes the the progression
105
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,160
of the illness worse.
So I hope this helps everybody.
106
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:27,360
Please encourage people to, to,
to listen to my podcast and
107
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please give me a comment or two
on what you think, whether you
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think it's appropriate or not.
All right, you can post
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anonymously, I believe, but give
us a thought.
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Thank you very much.
You take care.
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Bye.