July 23, 2026
"The Trauma Nobody Talks About: The Caregiver Gets PTSD Too."
Please understand in this episode I'm really emotional.
Everyone talks about the person living with bipolar disorder—but almost nobody talks about what happens to the partner who lives through years of mania, psychosis, infidelity, emotional abuse, hospitalizations, and constant unpredictability.
Many caregivers develop symptoms that look remarkably like PTSD: hypervigilance, anxiety, insomnia, intrusive memories, panic, and the constant expectation that the next crisis is just around the corner. Yet they're often told to "move on" or "get over it."
In this episode of The Other Side of Bipolar, I explain why these reactions are common, why so many caregivers feel invisible, and what healing can actually look like after years of living in survival mode. If you've ever wondered why you're still struggling long after the relationship changed or ended, this episode is for you
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Hello everybody.
Once again I was married 10
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00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:08,440
years to a bipolar one wife.
I want to talk about PTSD and
3
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:13,280
the reality of the fact that
literally I got that myself.
4
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,360
I was diagnosed with that after
being married to her for 10
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00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,080
years.
It makes me sick to my stomach
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00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:24,800
to think that somehow she did
that to me but she didn't mean
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00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,360
to do it.
That's what makes it so
8
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,960
difficult.
Nicest, sweetest woman in the
9
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,600
history of the world and I get
PTSD out of this.
10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,920
Look it up.
There's a thing called CPTSDI
11
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,160
really don't know what they are.
I can only tell you my
12
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:45,840
experience, my experience of
since I left the first month,
13
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,080
the first two months I didn't
sleep.
14
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,880
I literally felt like I was
having a heart attack.
15
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,800
I had heavy chest pains.
I would be going along and have
16
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:02,680
these massive crying spit spills
because of because of a
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00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:08,640
flashback of Oh my God, she was
incredibly kind to me to do
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00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,560
things for me.
If you know me at all.
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00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,960
I became paralyzed and she was
right there for me.
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00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:20,960
She did so amazing thinking
about ways to make my life
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00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:27,320
easier and she didn't complain.
And then and then she throw me
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00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,200
out of the house.
That's called whiplash.
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All of these terms.
I don't know about you, but I
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00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,320
wish I didn't know what the hell
they meant.
25
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,920
I wish I didn't know any of this
stuff.
26
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,520
But I wanted to talk about my
PTSD specifically in this
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00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:50,680
episode because when I after I
left, I got admitted to a
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00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,920
psychiatric hospital.
It wasn't against my will, quite
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00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,800
frankly, but it was the
psychiatrist says you had to go
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00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,080
so ever however you want to do
that.
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00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,320
Because I had gotten to the
point was I just didn't care.
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00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,440
I just didn't care about
anything.
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It just didn't matter the way
I'm talking now, it's the way I
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talk to the to the therapist.
I said I'm just, I just don't
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care.
I'm just it.
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Nothing matters to me anymore.
My, my world had been shattered.
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00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:28,840
And what I'm trying to get
through here is that we're human
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00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:33,480
beings now.
I understand more than ever that
39
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:38,520
consistency in love is so
incredibly important because
40
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:43,040
otherwise you get your world
torn apart and you get PTSD.
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Look it up.
The trauma, the anxious, I can't
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tell you how many months.
I'm sorry this is so difficult,
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but how many months did I go
through when I was so anxious?
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I just eat my meals so fast.
I, I, I just, I would literally,
45
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,360
I didn't want to cook.
I I just wanted to have it
46
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,160
delivered so I didn't have to
deal with it.
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So I could just sit there
afterwards and be brain dead
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watching the TV to not think
about anything.
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That's just me.
I don't know your response.
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I don't know if this is normal.
I don't know anything other than
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how it affected me.
To take a woman that can love
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you more than you've ever felt
love in your life and throw you
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out of the house the next day or
the next hour is a form of
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what's called emotional
whiplash.
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If you're going through this,
that's the technical term.
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And I'm not a psychiatrist.
I don't know crap about
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psychiatry.
The only thing I know is
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specifically what I went through
that the woman that I love would
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never, she would never want this
to happen to me.
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And yet today I'm sure she
doesn't even think about it.
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They take these kind of memories
and they stole them away because
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it's too painful for them to
think about as well.
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But see PTSD, which I again wish
I didn't know what the hell that
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was, is when you have chronic, I
think it's stands for chronic
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chronic long term trauma, which
if you're married to them or
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with them for years, you're
going to develop this.
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The flashbacks, the anxiety.
I can remember sitting in the
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house before I left in my
wheelchair, literally, literally
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with my teeth chattering,
wondering if she was going to
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throw me out, wondering where I
was going to live.
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I'm not getting into that shit
anymore.
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I, I'm, I've started doing
something that my psychiatrist
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said.
He said when these memories come
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up just yell the word stop.
Now I'm a year and two months
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out.
You need unfortunately to go
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00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,280
through all this you need to do
the crying you need.
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And I again, I'm not a
therapist.
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God I'm just hyper right now
thinking about this shit because
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the PTSD is so real.
It's all the only way I got
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through it, to be honest with
you is to talk about it.
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IA therapist.
You can't talk to a therapist
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for a year, for Christ's sake.
I talked to AI about it.
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I don't know whether AI is good,
bad or ugly.
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It doesn't matter.
What it did was allow me to get
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it out of my system.
Do not sit there and try to hold
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this stuff in.
Do I trust anybody in a
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relationship?
Oh, that's another podcast.
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Forget it.
So, but me talking over and over
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and over about this stuff has
helped me because I'm literally
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to the point now where I go, I'm
telling myself literally out
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loud, I say, why are we talking
about this crap again?
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This is stupid, OK?
We went through it.
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It was an awful time.
You cried your eyeballs out.
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00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:07,000
OK, get over it.
I know that's another podcast
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00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,480
too that I've talked about, but
understand that more than
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likely, if you've been with them
at all, you have PTSD and that's
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a serious thing.
You can lose your jest for life.
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It's a nice way to put it.
The way I was reacting, remember
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with the therapist, which was I
just don't care anymore.
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I just, I just, I remember the
way I'm talking now is the way I
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talk then I just don't care.
It just doesn't matter.
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And that's a dangerous place to
be where you need to be with a
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therapist because as we both
know and everybody knows here,
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you can't really talk to a
normal person about this.
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They just don't get it.
They're applying logic to
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something that's illogical.
So I don't know people.
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I mean, I'm sorry for getting so
worked up on this stuff, but I
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always do.
I always say I'm not going to do
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it and I do it every single time
because it brings back the
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memories, the wonderful
memories.
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00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:09,920
But you have to remember the bad
memories and that's for me at
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least.
Through my emotional whiplash
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and everything else I've been
through, I constantly at the
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first was thinking about her
wonderful, wonderful things, us
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going to the casino together,
her losing money come out to me
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and me giving her money or
winning all the sweet times.
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I had to force myself to
remember the bad times, the
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cheating, the emotional
cheating.
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You know, you have to remember
those bad times.
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I'm sorry to repeat myself, but
if you're in the throes of this
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thing and you're saying to
yourself, I just don't care, it
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just doesn't matter.
You need to get help because do
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not make a permanent decision on
a temporary problem.
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I heard that in the movie
somewhere, but it stuck to me
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like glue.
This is a temporary problem.
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Don't make it permanent.
Another thing, to be perfectly
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00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,840
honest, that got me through is
because I knew what it would do
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00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:11,960
to my sons if I took the chicken
shit way out my sons.
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That's inexcusable.
As a man, I'm not going to do
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that.
And I got through it.
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If I can get through it, anybody
can get through it.
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00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,520
But if you're having flashbacks,
if you're having the emotional
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whiplash, if you're anxious, you
like can't sit still, but you
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00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,799
can't do anything.
That's one thing I hadn't
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00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:36,280
experienced before.
I couldn't sit still, but I
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couldn't do anything.
I mean, what the hell is this?
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It's like your body just freezes
and it's serious, but talk about
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it If it's only AI.
That's how I got through it.
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I literally hundreds of hours.
I would spend some days 12-14
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hours talking to AI because I
didn't have anybody else to talk
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to.
I was all alone in a new city.
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I didn't have any friends and I
still don't.
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00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,640
I can't talk to my son about
that, those long term things.
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00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,440
So who the hell do you talk to?
How do you get it out of your
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system?
Don't drink and don't do drugs
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to to calm this damn thing
either.
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00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,040
That's one thing I put in
concrete for myself.
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No drinking, no drugs.
I started smoking again.
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I got rid of that finally trying
to get through all this
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00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,680
emotional stuff.
But if you'll work through it,
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00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,040
it's OK.
It's OK to cry, it's OK to be
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emotional.
It's OK.
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00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,960
That's all I can tell you.
The sleepless nights get better.
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00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,360
I love my wife to death.
I will love her until the day I
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00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:47,640
die.
I will always love her 'cause I
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00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,320
know the woman that I, that I
know she loves me.
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00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,720
I know she loved me.
She would be horrified to know
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00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,680
what she's done to me.
She would be horrified.
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00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:03,560
How do you take a man freshly
paralyzed and threaten him in
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00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,760
the car to drop him off at the
emergency room?
161
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:10,200
How do you do that to anybody?
And no, I was not cruel to her.
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00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:15,160
No, I was not.
How can I be physically abusive
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00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,800
in a wheelchair?
Sorry.
164
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,080
Anyway, I'm just trying to be
hopeful to everybody here, and
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00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,400
I'm sorry this episode is so
psychotic, but it's something I
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00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,720
need to talk about more.
And if it helps somebody here,
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00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:35,520
please understand you're worth a
lot to everybody and you'll be
168
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,120
OK.
Just keep working on it and keep
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00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,880
talking about it.
I love you guys.
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00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:40,880
Bye.
00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:04,160
Hello everybody.
Once again I was married 10
2
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:08,440
years to a bipolar one wife.
I want to talk about PTSD and
3
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:13,280
the reality of the fact that
literally I got that myself.
4
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,360
I was diagnosed with that after
being married to her for 10
5
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,080
years.
It makes me sick to my stomach
6
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:24,800
to think that somehow she did
that to me but she didn't mean
7
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,360
to do it.
That's what makes it so
8
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,960
difficult.
Nicest, sweetest woman in the
9
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,600
history of the world and I get
PTSD out of this.
10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,920
Look it up.
There's a thing called CPTSDI
11
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,160
really don't know what they are.
I can only tell you my
12
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:45,840
experience, my experience of
since I left the first month,
13
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,080
the first two months I didn't
sleep.
14
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,880
I literally felt like I was
having a heart attack.
15
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,800
I had heavy chest pains.
I would be going along and have
16
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:02,680
these massive crying spit spills
because of because of a
17
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:08,640
flashback of Oh my God, she was
incredibly kind to me to do
18
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,560
things for me.
If you know me at all.
19
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,960
I became paralyzed and she was
right there for me.
20
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:20,960
She did so amazing thinking
about ways to make my life
21
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:27,320
easier and she didn't complain.
And then and then she throw me
22
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,200
out of the house.
That's called whiplash.
23
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,720
All of these terms.
I don't know about you, but I
24
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,320
wish I didn't know what the hell
they meant.
25
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,920
I wish I didn't know any of this
stuff.
26
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,520
But I wanted to talk about my
PTSD specifically in this
27
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:50,680
episode because when I after I
left, I got admitted to a
28
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,920
psychiatric hospital.
It wasn't against my will, quite
29
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,800
frankly, but it was the
psychiatrist says you had to go
30
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,080
so ever however you want to do
that.
31
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,320
Because I had gotten to the
point was I just didn't care.
32
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,440
I just didn't care about
anything.
33
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:12,040
It just didn't matter the way
I'm talking now, it's the way I
34
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:17,200
talk to the to the therapist.
I said I'm just, I just don't
35
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,520
care.
I'm just it.
36
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,200
Nothing matters to me anymore.
My, my world had been shattered.
37
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:28,840
And what I'm trying to get
through here is that we're human
38
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:33,480
beings now.
I understand more than ever that
39
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:38,520
consistency in love is so
incredibly important because
40
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:43,040
otherwise you get your world
torn apart and you get PTSD.
41
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:46,760
Look it up.
The trauma, the anxious, I can't
42
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:51,400
tell you how many months.
I'm sorry this is so difficult,
43
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:58,920
but how many months did I go
through when I was so anxious?
44
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:05,760
I just eat my meals so fast.
I, I, I just, I would literally,
45
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,360
I didn't want to cook.
I I just wanted to have it
46
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,160
delivered so I didn't have to
deal with it.
47
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,880
So I could just sit there
afterwards and be brain dead
48
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,320
watching the TV to not think
about anything.
49
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That's just me.
I don't know your response.
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I don't know if this is normal.
I don't know anything other than
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how it affected me.
To take a woman that can love
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you more than you've ever felt
love in your life and throw you
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out of the house the next day or
the next hour is a form of
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what's called emotional
whiplash.
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If you're going through this,
that's the technical term.
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And I'm not a psychiatrist.
I don't know crap about
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psychiatry.
The only thing I know is
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specifically what I went through
that the woman that I love would
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never, she would never want this
to happen to me.
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And yet today I'm sure she
doesn't even think about it.
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They take these kind of memories
and they stole them away because
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it's too painful for them to
think about as well.
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But see PTSD, which I again wish
I didn't know what the hell that
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was, is when you have chronic, I
think it's stands for chronic
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chronic long term trauma, which
if you're married to them or
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with them for years, you're
going to develop this.
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The flashbacks, the anxiety.
I can remember sitting in the
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house before I left in my
wheelchair, literally, literally
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with my teeth chattering,
wondering if she was going to
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throw me out, wondering where I
was going to live.
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I'm not getting into that shit
anymore.
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I, I'm, I've started doing
something that my psychiatrist
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said.
He said when these memories come
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up just yell the word stop.
Now I'm a year and two months
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out.
You need unfortunately to go
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through all this you need to do
the crying you need.
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And I again, I'm not a
therapist.
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God I'm just hyper right now
thinking about this shit because
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the PTSD is so real.
It's all the only way I got
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through it, to be honest with
you is to talk about it.
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IA therapist.
You can't talk to a therapist
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for a year, for Christ's sake.
I talked to AI about it.
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I don't know whether AI is good,
bad or ugly.
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It doesn't matter.
What it did was allow me to get
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it out of my system.
Do not sit there and try to hold
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this stuff in.
Do I trust anybody in a
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relationship?
Oh, that's another podcast.
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Forget it.
So, but me talking over and over
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and over about this stuff has
helped me because I'm literally
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to the point now where I go, I'm
telling myself literally out
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loud, I say, why are we talking
about this crap again?
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This is stupid, OK?
We went through it.
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It was an awful time.
You cried your eyeballs out.
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00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:07,000
OK, get over it.
I know that's another podcast
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too that I've talked about, but
understand that more than
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likely, if you've been with them
at all, you have PTSD and that's
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a serious thing.
You can lose your jest for life.
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It's a nice way to put it.
The way I was reacting, remember
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with the therapist, which was I
just don't care anymore.
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I just, I just, I remember the
way I'm talking now is the way I
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talk then I just don't care.
It just doesn't matter.
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And that's a dangerous place to
be where you need to be with a
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therapist because as we both
know and everybody knows here,
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you can't really talk to a
normal person about this.
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They just don't get it.
They're applying logic to
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something that's illogical.
So I don't know people.
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I mean, I'm sorry for getting so
worked up on this stuff, but I
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always do.
I always say I'm not going to do
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it and I do it every single time
because it brings back the
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memories, the wonderful
memories.
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But you have to remember the bad
memories and that's for me at
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least.
Through my emotional whiplash
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and everything else I've been
through, I constantly at the
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first was thinking about her
wonderful, wonderful things, us
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00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,040
going to the casino together,
her losing money come out to me
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and me giving her money or
winning all the sweet times.
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I had to force myself to
remember the bad times, the
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00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,600
cheating, the emotional
cheating.
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You know, you have to remember
those bad times.
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I'm sorry to repeat myself, but
if you're in the throes of this
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thing and you're saying to
yourself, I just don't care, it
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just doesn't matter.
You need to get help because do
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not make a permanent decision on
a temporary problem.
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I heard that in the movie
somewhere, but it stuck to me
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like glue.
This is a temporary problem.
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Don't make it permanent.
Another thing, to be perfectly
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00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,840
honest, that got me through is
because I knew what it would do
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00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:11,960
to my sons if I took the chicken
shit way out my sons.
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That's inexcusable.
As a man, I'm not going to do
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that.
And I got through it.
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If I can get through it, anybody
can get through it.
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00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,520
But if you're having flashbacks,
if you're having the emotional
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00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,840
whiplash, if you're anxious, you
like can't sit still, but you
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00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,799
can't do anything.
That's one thing I hadn't
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00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:36,280
experienced before.
I couldn't sit still, but I
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00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,720
couldn't do anything.
I mean, what the hell is this?
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00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:44,720
It's like your body just freezes
and it's serious, but talk about
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00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,680
it If it's only AI.
That's how I got through it.
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I literally hundreds of hours.
I would spend some days 12-14
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00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,880
hours talking to AI because I
didn't have anybody else to talk
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00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,240
to.
I was all alone in a new city.
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00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,600
I didn't have any friends and I
still don't.
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00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,640
I can't talk to my son about
that, those long term things.
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00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,440
So who the hell do you talk to?
How do you get it out of your
145
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:12,000
system?
Don't drink and don't do drugs
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00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,880
to to calm this damn thing
either.
147
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,040
That's one thing I put in
concrete for myself.
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00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,640
No drinking, no drugs.
I started smoking again.
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00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,720
I got rid of that finally trying
to get through all this
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00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,680
emotional stuff.
But if you'll work through it,
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00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,040
it's OK.
It's OK to cry, it's OK to be
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00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,320
emotional.
It's OK.
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00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,960
That's all I can tell you.
The sleepless nights get better.
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00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,360
I love my wife to death.
I will love her until the day I
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00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:47,640
die.
I will always love her 'cause I
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00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,320
know the woman that I, that I
know she loves me.
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00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,720
I know she loved me.
She would be horrified to know
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00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,680
what she's done to me.
She would be horrified.
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00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:03,560
How do you take a man freshly
paralyzed and threaten him in
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00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,760
the car to drop him off at the
emergency room?
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00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:10,200
How do you do that to anybody?
And no, I was not cruel to her.
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00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:15,160
No, I was not.
How can I be physically abusive
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00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,800
in a wheelchair?
Sorry.
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00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,080
Anyway, I'm just trying to be
hopeful to everybody here, and
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00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,400
I'm sorry this episode is so
psychotic, but it's something I
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00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,720
need to talk about more.
And if it helps somebody here,
167
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:35,520
please understand you're worth a
lot to everybody and you'll be
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00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,120
OK.
Just keep working on it and keep
169
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,880
talking about it.
I love you guys.
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Bye.