The Real Reason They Won't Apologize | Bipolar, Control & Inner Chaos"

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Hello everyone, I'm going to
talk today about accountability.

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This is a huge subject, quite
frankly, and I'm going to give

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my my take on what it is and the
complete lack thereof.

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And with my experience and my
beautiful wife in the 10 years

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I've spent with her, the
accountability, it seems like at

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least mine could never
apologize.

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I never really understood it
while I was in it, to be honest

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with you.
I, I'm of the attitude, I kind

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of just blew it off.
I didn't think about it.

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I know we would have fights.
It seemed like to me a lot of

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them were my fault.
If you can relate to that, I

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don't know.
All I know is I do believe I

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understand to some degree why
they don't take accountability.

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Because if you understand, and I
again, this is my perspective,

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they have extremely low self
esteem.

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I can tell you my wife for
instance, she's in her mid 60s,

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She's got a better body than an
18 year old.

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The perfect smile, everything's
perfect.

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Now I kind of understand that
when they're perfect, that means

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something else is off.
I would tell her all the time,

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she looked beautiful all the
time and her response was always

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the same.
I'm glad you think so.

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I think they suffer from extreme
sense of self esteem issues and

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self-confidence.
I did everything I could to

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build up but at the same time if
you're like me, you build up

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resentment too.
It's such a weird Rd. because

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even from the very start, I mean
you get hammered on, you get

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thrown abused verbally, they do
weird stuff that's awful when

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they're manic.
And then after they're done with

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that, they expect you to be fine
and treat them the same and be

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very loving and sweet.
Yet you have resentment because

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you were just trashed.
If you can relate to this boy,

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I've been there a million times.
And I also want to address the

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the accountability issue with
control because as we got later

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on in the relationship, one
thing I've really noticed,

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especially since I left again,
was she had to be in control.

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She had to control the the
surroundings.

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For instance, law and order SUV,
I've seen every single episode

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many times.
Little House on the Prairie,

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I've seen every episode multiple
times.

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And I scratched my head back
then.

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Why the hell?
Well, they need to control their

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environment because they can't
control their brain that this

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resonates.
At least it does for me.

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It that makes sense, if they can
control their surroundings, they

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can create some kind of peace
because of the chaos in their

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minds driving them nuts.
So they get more controlling

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than they get more irritable.
This is somebody.

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Mine was medicated, I believe.
I didn't, I didn't make it my

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joint, my mission.
Didn't make sure she took her

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meds everyday.
She did take meds, I think.

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I don't think she went to a
psychiatrist very often, which

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was critical, but she wouldn't
let me get involved in any of

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that stuff.
At the first she did, but later

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on she didn't, and she became
more and more controlling, sweet

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and nice to some degree, but it
was her way or the highway.

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Now, are women over all that
way?

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It's hard to distinguish between
that.

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I mean a woman will love to
control your ass if you allow it

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and when you start going up
against it maybe there's

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problems.
I'm I'm no relationship expert.

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Jesus.
Men are from Mars and women are

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from Venus or whatever the hell.
That book was 100% right.

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I'll never figure them out, but
I can tell you just my

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experiences with a bipolar
person because she and the

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public, of course, she was
great.

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I mean, we've all talked about
that and we all know that.

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But that accountability issue,
the absolute inability to

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apologize and they have to be
controlling.

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All of this relates to to
whenever they either discard you

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or when I left her, her, she
went no contact with me

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immediately.
I actually tried to get back

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together with her, which I knew
I probably would, and I did some

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things to make sure I couldn't
get back together with her.

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If you want to ask me in print,
you know, in private, you can

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certainly do that.
But her not contacting me or

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ignoring all of my emails, I
know from everything I've read

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to that helped her feel more in
control.

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That was, oh, this guy's
begging.

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He really messed up.
He really wants to get back

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together with me.
That made her feel great because

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it's controlling and she did not
have to face accountability of

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throwing me out of the house
when you're in a wheelchair and

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newly paralyzed that she could
not.

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And yes, anyway, whatever.
I'm not going to go into more

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details.
What I'm trying to get to is the

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accountability and stuff.
Once you all break up or

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whatever, if you really want
them back, the worst thing you

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can do is try to contact them or
e-mail them.

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That's the worst thing you can
do mine be honest with you.

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I knew what was going to happen.
I, I emailed her a lot.

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I emailed her all the time.
She never responded.

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One time she responded when she
was threatening that my the

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mother of my kids.
I mean, that's over the top, but

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that's controlling.
They control because they that's

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the only thing they can control.
They control how they can look

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and they can control trying to
control other people.

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I was just trying to be nice.
But anyway, it is what it is.

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I'm just saying, you know, if
you've been discarded, I'm so

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sorry.
If you want him back, I'm going

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to say it straight up.
Don't do it.

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You don't even think about going
back with them.

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You're in a trauma bond, which
has been linked to heroin

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addiction or a heavy addiction.
I've lived this, so I can tell

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you that.
Never been addicted to drugs,

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but I was addicted to her at the
end, especially after becoming

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paralyzed.
I was extremely codependent on

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her.
Why?

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I couldn't leave the house.
I was in a freaking wheelchair.

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I couldn't go anywhere and guess
what, she used it to her

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advantage when she was pissed at
the first, she was nice.

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I'm just saying hang in there,
it'll be OK.

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But my my thesis once again on
what I'm talking about is

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accountability and control
because their mind is such

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chaos.
Hang in there people love you.

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Take care.
Bye.