"The Loneliest Kind of Love: Bipolar, Blunted Emotions & the Partner Left Behind"

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Hi everyone, I'm going to talk
today about loneliness

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loneliness with a bipolar
partner.

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I I'm only going to speak from
my experience of my 10 years

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with my bipolar one wife with
psychosis.

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But now I'm realizing the
loneliness and the narcissistic

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tendencies that tend to crop up
in these relationships.

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I don't know if you can relate
but my mind was my wife could be

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incredibly kind at some time but
she was almost never

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affectionate.
And if you read over and over,

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which I have, there's so many
partners of 10/15/20 years, 30

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years that feel incredibly
lonely because they feel like

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their partners just
self-centered.

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Not all of them are that way by
far.

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In fact, I want to illustrate
something that maybe you should

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look up on your own as well.
And that is there's a drastic

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difference between how bipolar
one people treat their spouses

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and bipolar 1 spouses with
narcissistic tendencies treat

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their partners.
Because if you look it up,

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bipolar one with psychosis does
not involved calculated decisive

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moves to destroy you.
Or they're extreme.

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They can be extremely
self-centered of course during

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mania, but when they come out
they're apologetic and say I'm

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sorry and try to change mine.
As of for instance, over the 10

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years I knew her, apologized
once.

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Literally once.
I look back, there were many,

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many years of literally not
touching other than maybe

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handing off something.
But affection didn't exist.

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We had.
She even went so far I always

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called it making love right
between spouses.

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She called it sex.
Now I understand why she

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couldn't go to the depths of
emotional security to have or do

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making love.
Sex is not as a transaction.

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Does that word ring a bell with
you?

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Is your relationship
transactional?

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Because mine certainly was shoot
over the last four or five

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years.
And then if you try to hold them

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accountable and say, for
instance, you're hurting me,

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you're hurting me, they'll
either discard you or just

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gaslight the crap out of you to
make you think there's something

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wrong with you when all you're
doing is asking for normal human

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affection between spouses.
Be aware of all these things,

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like I said, because when you're
in it, you don't realize it.

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But if you step back emotionally
or talk to people that are not

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enablers to say this is the way
my relationship is right now,

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what do you think?
You're probably going to get

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somebody saying, why the hell
are you in that thing?

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Now?
If you got kids or finances, I

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understand why you have to stay.
I was part that way for a couple

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of years.
The minute I got my finances up

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and running, I took off.
I've been gone for a year, and

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for a year I've been trying to
figure out logically what

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happens and forget it.
You'll never figure it out

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logically because it has no
logic.

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But there is a clear correlation
between narcissistic tendencies

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or narcissists and bipolar.
And for my reasoning at least,

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the reason they're narcissistic
is because there's so much pain

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underneath there.
They can't approach it.

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They can't even deal with it.
So the best way to not deal with

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their own emotional
vulnerabilities is to be highly

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controlling and never sorry and
they're always right and you're

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always wrong.
Let that hit you up for a while.

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If you're in a bipolar one or
bipolar relationship and they're

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not self aware, what I just
said, it's going to hit you

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right between the eyes because
it's the freaking truth.

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These people, yes, it's sad, but
it's not your job to save them.

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It's their job to manage their
illness.

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And if they're putting you to
hell or Oh my God, if you're

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looking at just getting into a
relationship over your one or

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two years into it, wondering if
it'll ever get better, it will

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not unless they go to
psychiatry.

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You're involved with everything,
which I've talked to another

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podcast.
I'm not going to get into it

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unless they are working
actively.

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You're in for a life of pain and
I cannot tell you enough about

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that.
I was in it for 10 years.

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I tried to figure out why in the
hell did I stay.

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It's called trauma bonding,
which I'm sure you've heard of,

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which nobody really understands
until you've been through it.

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But when you're loved at the
beginning and love bombed and

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then they whack you and throw
you out or burn you to the

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ground as far as emotionally and
then love you back a while, that

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could be done within months if
you get a trauma bond.

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Mine happened that way. 10 years
later, I'm still dealing with

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this.
There's people 20-30, thirty

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years still dealing with this.
Don't be one of us, stand up for

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yourself.
You do have self esteem.

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I've had to rebuild myself and
my own self esteem because it

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was destroyed because I would
see things that were normal in a

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relationship, talk to her about
it and I was always wrong.

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Why the hell are you saying
that?

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Oh my wife of 10 years for
instance an idea 10 years all of

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a sudden start hiding your phone
and got angry at me when I

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picked it up and physically
assaulted me to get it back.

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Then after that I told her I
looked right at her.

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I said you're cheating
something's going on and you're

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cheating because that's a normal
response.

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Her response to me was she
called her best friend said that

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I was toxic and that call the
police if I'm not there in 10

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minutes.
Then I find out she called my

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son and my ex-wife threatening
them saying I was toxic.

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If you think this is extreme,
this happens a lot.

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Don't get me wrong, there are
people that are physically

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assaulted too.
I mean, yeah, OK, She hit me a

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couple of times to get her phone
back.

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But that's the first time in 10
years when I held her

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accountable.
That's when even though she

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quote UN quote, I don't know,
she kicked me out of the house.

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Then she took off her wedding
rings and she was awful to me.

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And in my opinion, and after
researching it and talking to

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therapist, she did those things
at the end because she knew I

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was right.
And they can never be.

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They can never think to
themselves that they're wrong.

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It's too much emotional damage
to think they're wrong.

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So they're going to make you
responsible for everything and

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people, that's the way to
destroy yourself.

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I barely got out with my mind,
to be honest with you.

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Holy crap that was the most
destructive thing I've ever been

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through.
Don't be one of us understand

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narcissist.
Everybody in this day and age

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are saying narcissist this and
narcissist that.

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They actually do exist.
Whether she was a true

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narcissist or not, it's
irrelevant.

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What she treated me like was
like a narcissist even when she

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was baseline.
One thing I heard to

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differentiate too, if they're in
a bipolar 1 manic or whatever

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episode, they're not really able
to organized thoughts and carry

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out detailed plans.
OK, that's a big one.

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They're too disorganized for
that.

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A narcissist will think of
systematically ways to destroy

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you.
My wife actually eight years

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ago, I'm sorry to admit it,
eight years ago, we had a

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massive fight.
She sat down, she thought about

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it, ways to hurt me.
She got in her car, went to our

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storage unit, pulled, got in the
storage unit, pulled out

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paperwork and sent it in to the
company I was working for to try

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to get my businesses shut down.
Now, do I know that happened?

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Yeah.
She admitted it later.

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And two, I saw the video of her
going into the, the, the place

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the storage unit.
Now that's a calculated,

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systematic, organized response
to an emotional fight.

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That's narcissistic or
narcissistic tendencies, period.

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Those are two strategies for you
to think about very clearly when

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they're manic.
Are they trying to destroy you

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through definite acts, or are
they just sitting there saying,

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oh, you're a piece of shit, I
don't love you anymore, blah

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blah blah.
And then two or three days

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later, they feel horrible and
they apologize and they come

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back to you or and during that
emotional fight, are they

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systematically organizing a way
to destroy you, either calling

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the cops on you or that they
call and try to say that your

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domestic violence, That happens
a lot too.

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And the poor people are put in
jail because of some bullshit

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like this.
It's either or folks.

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I wish you the best.
I love you all.

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Please leave me a review.
Just one.

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I mean 70 to 80% of the people
that listen to me listen to the

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entire podcast.
Do me a favor.

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Just leave me a review would be
very helpful.

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Thank you.