"One Year Later: Life After Loving Someone With Bipolar 1 and Psychosis"

0:00 Hello everybody, I'm going to talk today a little bit about my experiences. I usually do bipolar one, wife 10 years. Every bipolar person is different. I'm giving you an update how I feel after one year of leaving. It's been tough, by far the most difficult time in my life. How do you leave a woman that you so dearly love, that was your world that you spent every day with for years and years and years and literally it was, it was, it was literally tearing me apart. I'll break up in this. I usually do.

0:42 All I can tell you is after a year, for me at least, after a year, we were together 10 years. I still cry every day. I'm still broken up every day. I still think of the incredibly wonderful times we had, and you have to be. If you're been discarded, whatever. And I know everybody says to do it. I have to remember the bad times, the bad times throwing me out when I was in a wheelchair. How could somebody scream and yell at the love they've been together for 10 years and tell them to get the hell out of the house and you're in a wheelchair. And no, I wasn't wielding a gun. You know what I'm talking about. I still cry on this everyday.

1:25 I'm getting better by far, no question. I quite frankly literally don't understand how I managed to make it. I would. I've never been through anything like this. Have you read listened to any of my other podcasts? This actually the reason I'm talking is because I watched the latest Top Gun movie and he talked about don't think, just do. If you've listened to anything that I've talked about here on different podcasts, I literally had to tell myself that the last day I was there, the last two or three days, the only thing I could do is don't think, just do because I knew my body was shutting down.

2:05 My mind was shutting down. She was completely manic. Again it was just I guess what I'm trying to do is not just sit here and cry, bitch and moan is to give you all hope that I made it a year. It's been a year and a month for me. I can't believe it's gone that fast. I can't tell you the terror I felt the literal times, especially the first month that I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. There's literally such things because I googled it as a broken heart syndrome and where I moved to. Didn't know soul, still basically don't other than some people at the gym. So I go to the gym three times a week. I'm going to water therapy tomorrow to hopefully get me back walking again.

2:53 But I can just say please give yourself grace. I've heard that over and over again. If you break down crying, so be it. You're going to be sitting there and have a great day just like I have been. All of a sudden some memory pops into your mind and you fall apart. Sorry, just be saying that how funny she was, how fun she was, funny, loving, caring and emotionally destroyed me and I'm better now. But please talk to a therapist. Please talk to anybody that you can though.

3:35 I understand something and everybody that knows this knows what I'm going to say. How do you talk about the? Same shit over and over again. I mean I can't talk to this about my son and he is the absolute best of all worlds. Calls me almost every day is wonderful, but I can't talk to him. People think Christ man, you let the OK you got divorce get over. It go next, next next go date somebody really I want to. Date somebody right now. That's the worst thing that happened in the world. Why? Because I think they're all freaking bipolar. I mean, and bipolar could be very good don't get me wrong. I'm just wanted I'm not even making a really long one here. I'm just giving you encouragement and say please keep going.

4:19 Do not, do not go back with them. Don't do it. Thank God my wife went no contact with me. So anyway, that's a whole nother story. But don't contact him. Don't. Get back with him. I'm so sorry, but the odds of being in a relationship with a bipolar person are extremely difficult. OK, they do work, but if there's that push pull dynamic that we had and the back and forth and then people getting back together and then, you know, a year, six months, whatever, later, boom, here we go, another cycle. I'm not going to say I know anything that much about bipolar other than I've literally lived it for 10 years.

5:03 I've done nothing but research it and think about it and cry about it for a year, which makes me a freaking expert. An expert in something that I want nothing to do with being an expert in. I love you guys. This is a short one, but hang in there. Bye.