Nobody Understands This: The Hidden Reality of Bipolar Relationship

0:01 Hi everybody, this is me again. I wanted to talk today about something really dear to my heart, and that is the fact that nobody understands where we're coming from and nobody understands what we've been through. You. If you have not lived with or experienced life with a bipolar person, you have no idea what we're going through. Family doesn't understand it. I don't even think most therapists understand it. I didn't understand it until I got out of it to be honest with you. I thought it was just. I didn't know what the hell it was to be honest with you. Again, I've said this before. I was told they were.

0:42 My spouse was manic depressive, but that's just not true. Manic depressive was what it was called 30 years ago. Bipolar 1 was psychosis, but how much all of us desperately need validation when you've been gas lit and manipulated and then you and I both know they don't necessarily mean it. They mean it at the time because of the disease, but the sweet person does not mean it. And that's what's so hard for anybody to understand. I guarantee if you're listening to me right now, you know what I'm talking about because we're the only ones that understand it.

1:25 How many times my wife was sweet and nice and awesome and then when something came up that she may have been guilty of, I don't know, she couldn't. She couldn't be accountable. She would gaslight the shit out of me. She would go to her friends and recruit them to make me absolutely know that my reality was not true when the reality was it was true that my reality had been, how can I put it? My reality had been warped is a good word. I mean, when when you look at somebody and know that they're cheating, know that they're emotionally cheating, know for a fact, and then you're proven wrong by her friends.

2:12 You just shake your head and you go, what the what the hell did I just go through? And then you go to another day and you forget about it, but your body doesn't and your mind doesn't. And then once you get out, or if you try to talk to a friend, which I did, they don't understand. And God forbid if you leave the relationship and you tell somebody you know two or three months later that you're still crying every day, or one year later or two years later still crying every day. They go, what the Hell's wrong with you? My God, move on. Get over it. You know, man up or woman up. They don't understand.

2:52 That's one of the most crippling things for me at least, is my son has been an absolute incredible person with me, but I can't talk to him anymore. I've been gone a year and almost two months. I can't talk to him. I can't even tell him about how I'm feeling anymore. Not because he's incredibly loving and sweet and kind to me. It's because I know he doesn't understand it. I mean, it's a breakup to everybody else in the world for you and me, it's it's catastrophic is a word I use that really is good for that. I'm sorry. I'm talking in a down voice. I'm actually at his house right now and I don't want anybody else listening to what I'm saying. But it's it for me, and I just want to validate your feelings that if you went off on them when they ever got angry and with them, all of us do.

3:50 But the gas lighting for me, I'd never lived through that before with a relationship. I mean, I'm not going to say how old I am, but believe me, I've been through a few relationships. Nobody's gas let the crap out of me like this deal. I didn't even really understood what gaslighting was. Manipulation, you know, the absolute lack of accountability when it's staring you in the face when things would happen. And I tried to explain to her what's going on and they don't get it. They don't understand it. It's so then they turned around, gaslight you, and all of a sudden you're going. Am I the one with bipolar? Do I have these problems?

4:32 What the Hell's going on? I used to be normal. Have I all of a sudden gone off the deep end? It's just so hard. I'm sorry. It's just so hard because nobody gets it. And I wish we could talk about it. You know, I've often wondered if I shouldn't, I shouldn't have some kind of program to talk to people actually one-on-one. I guess I could if you're interested, I'd be more than glad to talk to people one-on-one. I'm not, you know, I've had other people tell me I should try to monetize this stuff. I'm, I'm not, I'm doing this from my own therapy. And I have heard from people on this platform that that helps them because we all need this validation. And where the hell does a validation come from? If you can't talk to your friends, you can't talk to your family, or you can just mention they had a mental illness and then they go, well, you need to go ahead and get over it. You know, don't look back, just look forward. What the am I supposed to do about that? What am I supposed to do about a woman that was the most incredibly living woman I've ever met who the next day could burn me down and literally walk away? How do you explain that to anybody? How do you explain that as you're sitting here a year later and you're having a great day and somebody comes, something comes up on the TV or a memory hits you and you instantly start crying?

6:03 That's called trauma. That's called PTSD or CPTSD now. It's continual, whatever it is, PTSD, I don't know all these freaking terms. All I know is I've been through it because I've literally been sitting here on numerous occasions sitting around and boom, I just start crying. Thank God I'm alone. I can't do it in public. I just can't. It's too embarrassing. So if you're, if you can relate to this, if I'm helping you, I really appreciate it. I, I appreciate knowing that you're, I'm helping other people because I've read so much and but nobody talks about it. Hang your head up high.

6:56 Understand what we're going through is not normal. Nobody gets it and they won't unless you talk to another person that's lived with somebody bipolar. And how the hell do you know? Nobody wants to admit it. Do I want to admit the fact that after my wife moved in with me that it was pure and mitigated chaos within three or four months, which instantly traps you into the trauma bond, which they say a trauma bond is the liken to be being addicted to heroin. God, all this shit. I wish I didn't know. And I guarantee you wish you didn't know, but hold your head up high.

7:36 It does get better. You're validated. I'm sorry. I'm not the one with bipolar. And how do you feel sorry for somebody that tortures you? Where the hell? Where the Hell's that? In the history books, the psychology books? I just can't read that crap. I feel so sorry for her and I feel so guilty. And at the same time, she tortured me. Those things don't coexist, but they do. With this, I love everybody. You take care. I hope I help somebody. Bye.