How Partners Unknowingly Enable Bipolar Mania — Alcohol, Gambling, Cruises, and Other

0:00 Today I want to talk about the enablers of bipolar people and mania. Once again, I'll say all bipolar people are not the same. They're on a spectrum. But I want to tell you from my experience what happened for years, yes, we had our ups and downs and extents, fights and the bipolar stuff. But about four years ago, I noticed a shift, a big shift. Number one, she had a mini stroke. She had a mini stroke and didn't follow it up. She wouldn't let me take her to the hospital. After that, she started going to the gym, and that gym thing was a giant enabler of hers.

0:42 Why? Because she went to the gym and all of a sudden men were interested in her. They were talking to her. She was a focus of attention of men and that created huge dopamine spikes for her. So she kept going back. She had the emotional affair, absolutely didn't see any reason for it. That's why with me, when I told her it was inappropriate, she didn't care. She came very much more self-centered in my opinion or hypomania then lasted for four years. I'll tell you why. One, the gym started it all in my opinion. 2 that an amazing number of cruise ships we went on.

1:25 Now cruise ship, maybe you don't understand it, but a cruise ship is not a good area for somebody with bipolar because it's excitement 24/7. You step out of your room, there's people in your face, you go to dinner, people in your face and admiration because you're being treated like a king or a queen. Three. Of course there's a freaking casino on there that we always had to hit. And then the activities and being somebody that you're not because a cruise ship is basically telling everybody, hey, look at all this money I have. I'm living this luxury lifestyle when in reality you're paying very little for it. And the drinking on the cruise ships and the comedy shows in the constant entertainment and means the brain doesn't have the ability to slow down. Everything's high, high voltage stuff enablers as well. Mine got a codependent friend.

2:22 Oh my gosh, I knew that was that was horrible from the beginning, but I couldn't say anything. They were texting back and forth 1520 times a day, talking all the time about everything. Of course this other woman was divorced over 15 years, really wasn't interested in guys and had her own friends base of huge. But she hated men. That was pretty obvious. She didn't want to be around men at all. And where did that rub off? Onto my wife, of course. And so, but then again, after a few months after I left, they were good for about 6 months. And then I understand they had a falling out because I'm sure my wife, the bipolar woman, psychosis was attached to her.

3:07 And then all of a sudden she probably blew up at her for some reason and that broke the friendship. I'm sure they still talk, I guess I don't really know at this point, But those are all enablers, people that move them away from self-awareness and just agree with whatever they had to say. They're not true friends. A true friend would tell somebody. So the the gambling, Oh my gosh, that's a huge enabler. That's a dopamine minefield. That is the worst thing for a person with bipolar. They can't be stable with that kind of stuff. I went with her all the time. It didn't bother me. Yeah, I lost some money, but we had fun. Yes, but there were instances in the casino where I, I remember one, I was at one machine and she was another of four or five seats down.

4:01 I, I started up a conversation with a woman next to me, a nice lady. We were just chatting. I mean, my wife came over there and barbecued me in front of everybody. What are you doing? Why are you talking to that other women? Are you cheating on me? It was over the top because their mind is mostly racing, high stress and high excitability. Places like a casino, they should not be in. Obviously, too. Drinking is the worst drinking. Why? Because it messes with the drugs they're taking #1 the powerful drugs they're taking. Mood stabilizers and the such do not work as well when there's alcohol in the system.

4:42 And then of course, when the next day comes and you're hungover, in a bad mood, they're already unstable. That makes them more unstable. And guess who pays the price? You do because you're sticking around. These things are called enablers. And the bottom line is, and the sad part with my wife, I can tell you she was addicted to the dopamine. She was addicted to the fun and excitement and a stable life. We're in our mid 60s of paying our bills, going on an occasional vacation, working in the yard, doing gardening or raking the leaves, which I used to love to do.

5:25 I used to love to rake those leaves and burn them up, but that's boring to them if they're not aware. If a person with bipolar has to be self aware of what they are and the illness that they have. She was not. It was all about after the mini stroke and the going to the gym. It was all about her period. She helped me tremendously for a couple of months again when I was in a wheelchair. But you just have to understand that it's a cycle. And as far as decision making, if you leave or go, 'cause I have a lot of people are in that position and I would stay with her until we passed away. I didn't care about the fights, I cared about and loved her. However, what made me leave was the disrespect of the emotional affair.

6:22 The disrespect of flirting with me. Flirting in front of me openly with men in front of me without her wedding ring on, and then every single time making sure that I was somehow at fault or it didn't mean anything. Oh I was making too much into it. She never said which a normal person should say. They should say honey, I didn't realize me talking to that man bothered you. I'm so sorry that it hurts your feelings and I'll I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again or I was just being whatever. But no, when I confronted my wife on the guy she was flirting with in front of me, she said oh he's gay.

7:03 That was her response. And for years, the last years, it was always the same. She was never at fault for anything. So in the 10 years I knew her, she'd apologized to me once. Some guys laugh on the Internet. Their wife never apologized. That's completely different than this type of thing, all right? She would not apologize when she hurt me tremendously. And so I would still be with her if she hadn't done those things. But I now know she was drinking energy, Monster Energy drinks all the time. Well, that does nothing but fuel hypomania. I mean, take a mind that's racing, that's thoughts all over the place, and then give it a Monster Energy drink, which just multiplies it times 10, of course.

7:47 And once again, who's going to pay for the irritability you are? Pay attention to these people. The number one thing for me to give to you is if your wife is self aware, if she understands her illness, it's not a catch all. There's people that are self aware that still you don't have any business being around because they won't do the work. But generally if they're self aware, they're really trying, you know, they're really trying. Had my, my, my wife been doing that and they've been shitty to me. Hey, I can put up with it because I love her. And then the dementia part of it, folks, when they get older, they're two to three times more likely to get dementia than the normal people.

8:30 So just just be aware of those things, be safe. Thank you for listening. Bye.