How Partners Unknowingly Enable Bipolar Mania — Alcohol, Gambling, Cruises, and Other

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Today I want to talk about the
enablers of bipolar people and

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mania.
Once again, I'll say all bipolar

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people are not the same.
They're on a spectrum.

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But I want to tell you from my
experience what happened for

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years, yes, we had our ups and
downs and extents, fights and

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the bipolar stuff.
But about four years ago, I

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noticed a shift, a big shift.
Number one, she had a mini

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stroke.
She had a mini stroke and didn't

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follow it up.
She wouldn't let me take her to

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the hospital.
After that, she started going to

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the gym, and that gym thing was
a giant enabler of hers.

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Why?
Because she went to the gym and

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all of a sudden men were
interested in her.

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They were talking to her.
She was a focus of attention of

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men and that created huge
dopamine spikes for her.

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So she kept going back.
She had the emotional affair,

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absolutely didn't see any reason
for it.

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That's why with me, when I told
her it was inappropriate, she

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didn't care.
She came very much more

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self-centered in my opinion or
hypomania then lasted for four

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years.
I'll tell you why.

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One, the gym started it all in
my opinion. 2 that an amazing

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number of cruise ships we went
on.

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Now cruise ship, maybe you don't
understand it, but a cruise ship

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is not a good area for somebody
with bipolar because it's

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excitement 24/7.
You step out of your room,

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there's people in your face, you
go to dinner, people in your

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face and admiration because
you're being treated like a king

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or a queen.
Three.

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Of course there's a freaking
casino on there that we always

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had to hit.
And then the activities and

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being somebody that you're not
because a cruise ship is

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basically telling everybody,
hey, look at all this money I

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have.
I'm living this luxury lifestyle

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when in reality you're paying
very little for it.

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And the drinking on the cruise
ships and the comedy shows in

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the constant entertainment and
means the brain doesn't have the

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ability to slow down.
Everything's high, high voltage

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stuff enablers as well.
Mine got a codependent friend.

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Oh my gosh, I knew that was that
was horrible from the beginning,

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but I couldn't say anything.
They were texting back and forth

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1520 times a day, talking all
the time about everything.

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Of course this other woman was
divorced over 15 years, really

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wasn't interested in guys and
had her own friends base of

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huge.
But she hated men.

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That was pretty obvious.
She didn't want to be around men

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at all.
And where did that rub off?

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Onto my wife, of course.
And so, but then again, after a

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few months after I left, they
were good for about 6 months.

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And then I understand they had a
falling out because I'm sure my

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wife, the bipolar woman,
psychosis was attached to her.

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And then all of a sudden she
probably blew up at her for some

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reason and that broke the
friendship.

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I'm sure they still talk, I
guess I don't really know at

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this point, But those are all
enablers, people that move them

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away from self-awareness and
just agree with whatever they

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had to say.
They're not true friends.

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A true friend would tell
somebody.

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So the the gambling, Oh my gosh,
that's a huge enabler.

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That's a dopamine minefield.
That is the worst thing for a

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person with bipolar.
They can't be stable with that

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kind of stuff.
I went with her all the time.

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It didn't bother me.
Yeah, I lost some money, but we

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had fun.
Yes, but there were instances in

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the casino where I, I remember
one, I was at one machine and

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she was another of four or five
seats down.

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I, I started up a conversation
with a woman next to me, a nice

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lady.
We were just chatting.

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I mean, my wife came over there
and barbecued me in front of

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everybody.
What are you doing?

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Why are you talking to that
other women?

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Are you cheating on me?
It was over the top because

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their mind is mostly racing,
high stress and high

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excitability.
Places like a casino, they

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should not be in.
Obviously, too.

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Drinking is the worst drinking.
Why?

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Because it messes with the drugs
they're taking #1 the powerful

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drugs they're taking.
Mood stabilizers and the such do

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not work as well when there's
alcohol in the system.

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And then of course, when the
next day comes and you're

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hungover, in a bad mood, they're
already unstable.

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That makes them more unstable.
And guess who pays the price?

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You do because you're sticking
around.

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These things are called
enablers.

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And the bottom line is, and the
sad part with my wife, I can

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tell you she was addicted to the
dopamine.

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She was addicted to the fun and
excitement and a stable life.

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We're in our mid 60s of paying
our bills, going on an

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occasional vacation, working in
the yard, doing gardening or

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raking the leaves, which I used
to love to do.

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I used to love to rake those
leaves and burn them up, but

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that's boring to them if they're
not aware.

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If a person with bipolar has to
be self aware of what they are

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and the illness that they have.
She was not.

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It was all about after the mini
stroke and the going to the gym.

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It was all about her period.
She helped me tremendously for a

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couple of months again when I
was in a wheelchair.

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But you just have to understand
that it's a cycle.

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And as far as decision making,
if you leave or go, 'cause I

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have a lot of people are in that
position and I would stay with

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her until we passed away.
I didn't care about the fights,

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I cared about and loved her.
However, what made me leave was

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the disrespect of the emotional
affair.

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The disrespect of flirting with
me.

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Flirting in front of me openly
with men in front of me without

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her wedding ring on, and then
every single time making sure

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that I was somehow at fault or
it didn't mean anything.

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Oh I was making too much into
it.

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She never said which a normal
person should say.

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They should say honey, I didn't
realize me talking to that man

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bothered you.
I'm so sorry that it hurts your

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feelings and I'll I'll try to
make sure it doesn't happen

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again or I was just being
whatever.

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But no, when I confronted my
wife on the guy she was flirting

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with in front of me, she said oh
he's gay.

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That was her response.
And for years, the last years,

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it was always the same.
She was never at fault for

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anything.
So in the 10 years I knew her,

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she'd apologized to me once.
Some guys laugh on the Internet.

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Their wife never apologized.
That's completely different than

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this type of thing, all right?
She would not apologize when she

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hurt me tremendously.
And so I would still be with her

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if she hadn't done those things.
But I now know she was drinking

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energy, Monster Energy drinks
all the time.

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Well, that does nothing but fuel
hypomania.

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I mean, take a mind that's
racing, that's thoughts all over

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the place, and then give it a
Monster Energy drink, which just

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multiplies it times 10, of
course.

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And once again, who's going to
pay for the irritability you

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are?
Pay attention to these people.

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The number one thing for me to
give to you is if your wife is

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self aware, if she understands
her illness, it's not a catch

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all.
There's people that are self

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aware that still you don't have
any business being around

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because they won't do the work.
But generally if they're self

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aware, they're really trying,
you know, they're really trying.

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Had my, my, my wife been doing
that and they've been shitty to

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me.
Hey, I can put up with it

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because I love her.
And then the dementia part of

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it, folks, when they get older,
they're two to three times more

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likely to get dementia than the
normal people.

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So just just be aware of those
things, be safe.

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Thank you for listening.
Bye.