May 1, 2026
Bipolar I With Psychosis Inside a 30-Year Marriage — Part Two: Mania, Depression
Thirty years. That's not luck — that's a decision, made over and over again. Shari] lives with Bipolar 1, psychosis, and a history of suicide attempts. She's also one half of a marriage that has outlasted the odds, the hospitalizations, and the hardest nights. This conversation is for every partner who wonders if it's possible. It is. Here's how.
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All right, hello, my name is
Scott Robertson.
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This is my podcast and I have a
special privilege of talking to
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Sherry today and she is a self
aware, wonderful lady that has
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bipolar one in psychosis.
She's agreed to talk to us to
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give you guys the perspective of
somebody that has this challenge
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in their life and I really
appreciate her becoming on here.
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Sherry, would you give me just a
little word on kind of who you
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are?
Not a whole lot of details.
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You're married?
For how long and and when did
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you first know about your
challenge of bipolar?
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OK, my name is Sherry Hall.
Of course.
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I'm working on my PhD at Capella
University.
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My husband.
I've been married for 33 years
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this coming July, and when it
comes to bipolar, I've always
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had it as long as I can
remember.
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I was able to manage it on my
own without medication until we
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lost our home that we had
designed in 1997.
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But did you want me to go ahead
and answer the first question?
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Sure.
OK basically I had a nervous
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breakdown and this was my first
attempted suicide and this is my
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first admission into a mental
health hospital where they where
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they actually diagnosed me as
bipolar.
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And how long ago was that?
That was in 1997.
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OK, all right.
And and your husband, he's
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obviously an amazing person and
we very much appreciate him.
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How did he take it?
He didn't when I was initially
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diagnosed, he didn't.
He didn't seem to take it any
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kind of way.
He just, he didn't have much to
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say.
He just, he really just stood by
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my side and took the blows as
they came.
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I understand, I understand.
Listen, I I can't find the
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questions again.
I'll have to edit some of the
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stuff out, but one thing that I
think all of us as partners
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would love to understand is do
you feel yourself either going
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into mania or going to
depression?
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Is there kind of a, a warning
signs that you yourself feel or
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is it kind of just hit you all
at once?
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Kind of like is there a warning?
Yeah.
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In other words, if you're going
about your day and, and
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everything's good copacetic and
then all of maybe something
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happens or you feel different or
something that you can identify
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that says, uh oh, I may be going
down this road of either
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depression or mania.
Is there?
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Do you ever get those type of
feelings that you know are
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coming?
With me, there's little warning,
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it just happens with me.
The worst part of mania for me
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was the feeling that I don't
want to be in my own skin.
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Most people like the mania, but
they like it because if they get
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so much done, well, not for me.
I blow money like crazy.
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I seek out comfort wherever I
can find it.
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That means sexually and
unfortunately, my husband is
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extremely quiet.
In the beginning I didn't
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understand this because this was
his way of coping.
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While he listened to me, he
didn't express his feelings like
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most people do.
So in our beginning I didn't
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understand and I thought it was
his life love for me.
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In all reality it was his.
The complete opposite.
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Please understand, everything I
did, I told him and I tried to
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tell him why, and I've been
completely without an honest
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with him through our entire
marriage and I think that's one
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thing that's kept us together.
It's, it's for everybody
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listening.
The self-awareness of Sherry is
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over the top because my, my wife
was not self aware.
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She did, she told me she was
manic depression, which 30 years
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ago that's what bipolar was
called.
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But she didn't actively try to
#1 apologize or say they were
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sorry or say, hey, something's
going on and we need to work
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this together.
And you know, when you're in
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mania, I understand.
You get at least the reading
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that I've done and maybe your
perspective.
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Do you get really self-centered
at that point when you're in
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mania?
No, I, I don't really ever
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experience self-centered.
You know, I, I've always, even
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when I'm sick, even when I'm
having an episode, I'm still
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able to to think about his
needs, even though I'm still
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going to do what it is I want to
do.
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I'm still considering.
In fact, most of the time when I
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become manic, I become well, I
do things that don't make sense.
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I mean, I do things to try to
help our money situation, when
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in all actuality, I'm actually
hurting our situation.
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You know, I don't know.
It's I'm sorry, I forgot the.
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Question no, no, no, you're
you're absolutely look for
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everybody that's listening and
for me under to to understand is
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that we do understand when you
go into mania, sometimes it's
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not necessarily all you don't
remember or a lot of people
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don't remember things.
Now, let me ask you this another
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question and that is, is there
anything that your partner can
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do better to help you when
you're feel like you're slipping
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away?
What what's the best way to be
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supportive from a partner's
angle to support you when you
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start and feeling these things
coming on?
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Well one of the biggest things
he does, it does not help is he
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tries to.
When I get upset and start being
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all crazy, he tries to hold me
down.
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And that's not good because he
doesn't want me going anywhere.
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He doesn't want me doing
anything stupid, you know?
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So in the past he would try to
hold me down, but now he's
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learned to accept what's
happening and let let it blow
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over.
And then we we talk about it
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because it it takes a little
while for for the mania to
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subside.
And I guess you know that.
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Of course.
Absolutely.
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Sure.
It's the when you say hold you
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down, you mean he tries.
I've heard it in other areas
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called controlling.
You felt like he was trying to
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control you.
Would that be a good analogy?
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Oh yeah, I mean, he was trying
to physically hold me down, not
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hurt me or in anything in any
way.
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He was just trying to keep me
from leaving the house or keep
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me from hurting myself or keep
me from hurting him or anybody
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else.
He would.
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I mean, I've, I've never hurt
anyone else in my mania.
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I've always hurt myself.
I got you.
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OK.
If, what would you, with your
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experience, what would you
suggest is the best way when
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somebody's slipping into mania?
Because for the listeners out
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there, it's very well known,
documented that once somebody is
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in mania, the last thing you can
do is try to control them.
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They don't want it.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong,
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Sherry, anything that I'm
saying, but they don't want
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anybody controlling.
And if you try to, for instance,
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say, look, give me all the
credit cards and the checkbook
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right now, they'll run because
they don't need any.
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Am I wrong in what I'm saying,
Sherry?
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Oh, you're absolutely correct.
You're absolutely.
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Correct, right.
And so the best way I've heard
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of what's called Gray rocking,
but I have you ever heard of
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that term, Sherry?
You told me about it the other
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day.
Yeah, it's, it's it's as they're
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accusing, as they're going into
their episode, the more you can
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and all of this, Sherry, correct
me if I'm wrong, all the more
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you try to control them or
anything else, the worse they
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get.
All you can do is let go.
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Well, you, you step back.
I mean, don't necessarily let
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go.
You still listen and you're
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still there.
You're still present in the
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moment, but you give them space
and when they come back to when
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they know what's going on and
everything's kind of subsided,
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then you can talk about it and
really, you know, hash what has
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happened and what needs to
happen.
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I wanted to say something to
Sherry right now.
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Is that when you said that right
now where after the episode has
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ended and you go back with your
husband and you all talk about
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it, That's huge, positive, good
stuff because mine never did.
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She never came back.
So the show's not about me right
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now.
I'm just trying to say for you,
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that's why you're self aware and
that's why you've been together.
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None of the many things I'm sure
is it.
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You all can talk about it later.
And you, you know, I don't want
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to get into what you're saying
to your husband because that's
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private.
Now, when you're in an episode,
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the do you ever let out your
irritability, let's say, or your
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episode outside of the house?
Or is it mainly just with him?
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In the beginning it was with
everybody.
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I was aggressive, I was angry.
I was, I did things like for
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instance, I have a well, I had a
young child at the time and he
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was like 6 or 7 and I was having
him clean the kitchen table and
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he didn't clean the kitchen
enough.
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And I took him by his neck and
put his face down against the
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table.
And I told him I said, does that
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look clean?
And I will never forget doing
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that.
And I don't, I didn't want to do
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it, but I did it and I'll never
forget that.
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And I've regretted it my whole
life.
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But I just it's stupid things
like that that happened that and
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you know, in a lot of my main
manic times, I would like
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expressed that I wanted to leave
or I wanted him to leave when
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all actually I did not want him
to leave.
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I did not want him to give up on
me.
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I wanted him to stay by my side.
But in the moment you say things
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that you don't, you don't mean
you don't really want to happen.
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But a lot of times what happens
is the people that hear those
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things, the partners that hear
those things, they're like, OK,
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you want it to be over and it's
over.
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And really, if they'd have just
give it a little time and let
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let everything calm down and let
the partner come back,
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everything would have been fine
if they'd just given the chance
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to listen, relax and believe and
know that their love is worth it
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through the end.
Well, I wanted to tell you
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something real quick #1 all of
us, everybody listening and you
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and me both, everybody's done
stuff we don't like.
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I mean, so that that's a non
issue.
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I mean, it's not a non issue.
It's just all of us are human
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and so we're not perfect.
Well, maybe my wife and but
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that's a joke.
So, but the, the, the huge
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difference and everybody here
listening huge difference once
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again is for self-awareness of
the ability to talk about it
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after the fact and when they're
in an episode and I can't for me
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personally, I was thrown out
probably 1015 * / 10 years, 10
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or 15 times and I didn't know
all of this stuff.
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So I was in a normal, I was in a
normal relationship mode with
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somebody who's bipolar and they
aren't the same.
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Correct me again if I'm wrong,
Sherry, but she would throw me
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out of the house and I'd go OK,
well, crap.
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I she hates me now for some
reason.
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OK, I'll make my arrangements.
And then she come back in the
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room later and say, please don't
leave.
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But she would never explain why.
She never said she was sorry.
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We never talked about it later,
even though I would try.
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And she would say that's the
past, let's forget about it.
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That's where you're different,
Sherry.
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So congratulations.
Thank you so much.
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Oh, after all all the research
I've done, kiddo.
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Now, is there a question on
there that you saw, the ones I
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gave you that you would really
like to answer?
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Let me go over that real quick.
But there there is something I
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do want to discuss with.
You please.
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I know, I know that, and we are
kind of going to bring up your
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story if that's all right.
Of course.
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I know the the biggest issue
with you, the reason you left
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and the reason you gave up on
your wife was because she was
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unfaithful.
And that's something that you as
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a man couldn't get past.
And I understand that you're,
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you're going to be, you're not
going to be happy with me when
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you hear what I'm fixing to say.
I was unfaithful to my husband.
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I can't count the number of
times.
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And it, it's not something that
I really thought about when I
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did it.
It's and, and you know how you
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talked about having the, that
she would give you the most
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loving look, looks and she would
share herself with you and she
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00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,440
would be with you and just the
looks and the things that she
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00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,200
would do for you would make you
love her so much more and so
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00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,320
much more than just anybody.
You know, the regular person
224
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,000
doesn't normally have that, that
type of deepness, that type of
225
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,360
love and expression in the
relationship.
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00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,560
Do you know what I'm talking
about?
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00:13:55,880 --> 00:14:03,120
Yes.
Well, I, I have that, I do that
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with him especially, but I just
felt like I wasn't good enough
229
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for him.
Even when I was well, when I
230
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,280
wasn't well, I didn't believe I
was good enough for him.
231
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:20,880
And I would, I would try to
leave and he wouldn't let me.
232
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And he would never give up on
me.
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00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,760
Never.
I mean, every time I did
234
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,440
something, I'd come home and
say, you know what?
235
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,320
I just did, and we'd sit down
and we'd cry about it and we'd
236
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:38,000
talk about it and it'd be over.
That's the difference, Sherry.
237
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,080
That's the whole difference
right there.
238
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,560
You came back and we're self
aware and you said I did
239
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,280
something really stupid and I'm
really sorry and you all cried
240
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,200
about it together and then you
went on Mine never did that.
241
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,400
It was always my fault and.
If she had come back and she had
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00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,800
asked you, she had told you what
she did and she had asked for
243
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,560
forgiveness.
She just, if she had come back
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and said, you know, this person
from the gym really means a lot
245
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,120
to me, but I love you and you're
my spouse and we're going to
246
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,800
make this work.
I mean, if she'd come back and
247
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,280
said something like that, would
y'all still be together?
248
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,800
Yes, no question.
Done.
249
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,280
Game over.
Yeah.
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00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:26,320
Sorry, That's OK.
I just, I really thought it was
251
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,800
important to touch that base
with you because I do not know
252
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,400
how in our life, I don't know
how he's been able to prefer.
253
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,760
Forgive me.
I to this day still don't
254
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,520
forgive myself the last time.
Go ahead.
255
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,560
I was just going to say
something that you said hit home
256
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:51,160
with me is that maybe she didn't
feel like she needed.
257
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,200
She was good enough for me, even
though she was controlling and
258
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,480
all that other stuff.
I would look at her over and
259
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,880
over again over the years and
say, honey, you look beautiful
260
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,560
or any number of times I would
say stuff like that.
261
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,640
And her response was always the
same.
262
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,960
I'm glad you think so.
Yeah.
263
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,200
Which bleeds into what you just
said.
264
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,040
She didn't like I'm.
Telling you that she didn't feel
265
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:21,480
like she was good enough.
Right, I know.
266
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:30,920
So excuse me.
Yes, but again, I keep on
267
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,720
hammering on the same thing with
you, Sherry.
268
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,480
You're self aware.
That makes all the difference in
269
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,360
the world.
Had she come back to me?
270
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:42,000
Had she that thing with the the
gym that I talked to you about
271
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,800
the Motional Affair for three
months?
272
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,040
Had she gone into the Motional
Affair and then after a month or
273
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,680
so said, you know what, honey,
I'm really sorry this is
274
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:54,720
destroying you emotionally and
the last thing I want to do is
275
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,120
hurt you.
And I don't know why I did it,
276
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,200
but it felt really good.
And I'm sorry.
277
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,960
I would not be having this
conversation with you.
278
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:07,160
I would still be happily married
period, but it was always my
279
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,960
fault.
I was stupid.
280
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,000
Nothing's going on with the guy
at the gym even though we're at
281
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,920
5:00 in the morning with nobody
else around for three months.
282
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,560
And that she was affectionate
with him in front of me at the
283
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,200
club, you know, putting hands on
him and all.
284
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,720
So I'm just saying that's a huge
difference.
285
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,720
Mine didn't have that.
And listeners, if you have one
286
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,280
that doesn't apologize or
doesn't do what she's doing with
287
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,000
her husband, run.
Sorry.
288
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,440
I just.
There aren't more.
289
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:41,760
I mean, I've interviewed many,
many people and I find that if
290
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:47,680
there aren't any or it's more
good times and good feelings and
291
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,280
things to override the bad, it's
not worth it.
292
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,160
Don't stay.
I mean, I really, I really
293
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,440
believe that in my heart if, if
there, if there aren't more
294
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,920
good, you can say more good
times than bad.
295
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,040
I would not stay well, Cher.
One thing I want to add here
296
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,920
though is that I've seen this in
a lot of places too and it was
297
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:15,440
it certainly with mine 780% of
the time or more with her was
298
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,920
fine.
We enjoyed each other, we had
299
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,640
fun together, we did stuff and I
mean, it was a great time.
300
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,560
The problem was the 10 to 20%
and I had a lot of people come
301
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,960
back to me and say the same
thing, partners that the
302
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,160
majority of the time it was
great, but when it was bad, it
303
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,400
wasn't bad.
It was catastrophic.
304
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,960
And so, you know, there's
certainly, that's why I would
305
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,560
say it's a spectrum with
everybody.
306
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:45,680
But with mine, she was fun.
But it's when she broke my trust
307
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,800
with that affair and then
refused to acknowledge it or
308
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,720
anything else that just
furthered the break of trust.
309
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,120
We were done then.
So.
310
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,200
But your research is showing
that.
311
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:03,440
Say that again.
It's just showing that nine
312
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:09,880
times out of 10, if people if if
there aren't more good things in
313
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,920
the marriage than bad, a lot of
times people won't feel like
314
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,880
it's worth their time to stay.
Right or the catastrophic or a
315
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,960
lot of people as you well know,
you know a lot of people, the
316
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,280
infidelity thing is A1 and done
a lot of people ask.
317
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,600
That and I understand that I
would be, that I would, you
318
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,800
know, I was even told him.
I said, you know, if you want to
319
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,080
go out and have a relationship
behind my back, that's fine.
320
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:37,000
I understand.
And I have tried to take my life
321
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,040
so many times because I've hurt
him.
322
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,600
I've slipped my wrists, I've
slipped my arm, I've slipped my
323
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,360
hand.
I've drank antifreeze.
324
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,240
Oh, my sweetheart.
I cannot tell you the things
325
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:52,720
that I have done and.
I'm so glad you failed.
326
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,040
I have failed many times and
I've been in mental hospital.
327
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,880
Can I get you to hold on for one
second?
328
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:01,120
Sure.
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,120
All right, hello, my name is
Scott Robertson.
2
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:09,680
This is my podcast and I have a
special privilege of talking to
3
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:17,440
Sherry today and she is a self
aware, wonderful lady that has
4
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,440
bipolar one in psychosis.
She's agreed to talk to us to
5
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:27,000
give you guys the perspective of
somebody that has this challenge
6
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,600
in their life and I really
appreciate her becoming on here.
7
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,360
Sherry, would you give me just a
little word on kind of who you
8
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,240
are?
Not a whole lot of details.
9
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,640
You're married?
For how long and and when did
10
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,920
you first know about your
challenge of bipolar?
11
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,600
OK, my name is Sherry Hall.
Of course.
12
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,920
I'm working on my PhD at Capella
University.
13
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,680
My husband.
I've been married for 33 years
14
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,960
this coming July, and when it
comes to bipolar, I've always
15
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,600
had it as long as I can
remember.
16
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,560
I was able to manage it on my
own without medication until we
17
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,640
lost our home that we had
designed in 1997.
18
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,480
But did you want me to go ahead
and answer the first question?
19
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:15,160
Sure.
OK basically I had a nervous
20
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,320
breakdown and this was my first
attempted suicide and this is my
21
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:21,800
first admission into a mental
health hospital where they where
22
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,760
they actually diagnosed me as
bipolar.
23
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,520
And how long ago was that?
That was in 1997.
24
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:36,960
OK, all right.
And and your husband, he's
25
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:41,360
obviously an amazing person and
we very much appreciate him.
26
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:46,840
How did he take it?
He didn't when I was initially
27
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,280
diagnosed, he didn't.
He didn't seem to take it any
28
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,520
kind of way.
He just, he didn't have much to
29
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:58,600
say.
He just, he really just stood by
30
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,120
my side and took the blows as
they came.
31
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:07,280
I understand, I understand.
Listen, I I can't find the
32
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,240
questions again.
I'll have to edit some of the
33
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:14,280
stuff out, but one thing that I
think all of us as partners
34
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:19,880
would love to understand is do
you feel yourself either going
35
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,920
into mania or going to
depression?
36
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:26,000
Is there kind of a, a warning
signs that you yourself feel or
37
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,040
is it kind of just hit you all
at once?
38
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,040
Kind of like is there a warning?
Yeah.
39
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,920
In other words, if you're going
about your day and, and
40
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,320
everything's good copacetic and
then all of maybe something
41
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,240
happens or you feel different or
something that you can identify
42
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,280
that says, uh oh, I may be going
down this road of either
43
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,080
depression or mania.
Is there?
44
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,120
Do you ever get those type of
feelings that you know are
45
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,480
coming?
With me, there's little warning,
46
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,040
it just happens with me.
The worst part of mania for me
47
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,000
was the feeling that I don't
want to be in my own skin.
48
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,080
Most people like the mania, but
they like it because if they get
49
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,760
so much done, well, not for me.
I blow money like crazy.
50
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,320
I seek out comfort wherever I
can find it.
51
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,880
That means sexually and
unfortunately, my husband is
52
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,120
extremely quiet.
In the beginning I didn't
53
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,000
understand this because this was
his way of coping.
54
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,440
While he listened to me, he
didn't express his feelings like
55
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:25,200
most people do.
So in our beginning I didn't
56
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,000
understand and I thought it was
his life love for me.
57
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,040
In all reality it was his.
The complete opposite.
58
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,600
Please understand, everything I
did, I told him and I tried to
59
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:40,640
tell him why, and I've been
completely without an honest
60
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:44,280
with him through our entire
marriage and I think that's one
61
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:48,960
thing that's kept us together.
It's, it's for everybody
62
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,400
listening.
The self-awareness of Sherry is
63
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:57,480
over the top because my, my wife
was not self aware.
64
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,680
She did, she told me she was
manic depression, which 30 years
65
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,680
ago that's what bipolar was
called.
66
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:09,640
But she didn't actively try to
#1 apologize or say they were
67
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,400
sorry or say, hey, something's
going on and we need to work
68
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,800
this together.
And you know, when you're in
69
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,160
mania, I understand.
You get at least the reading
70
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,360
that I've done and maybe your
perspective.
71
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,560
Do you get really self-centered
at that point when you're in
72
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,880
mania?
No, I, I don't really ever
73
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:34,600
experience self-centered.
You know, I, I've always, even
74
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:39,160
when I'm sick, even when I'm
having an episode, I'm still
75
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:45,400
able to to think about his
needs, even though I'm still
76
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,520
going to do what it is I want to
do.
77
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:52,000
I'm still considering.
In fact, most of the time when I
78
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:59,640
become manic, I become well, I
do things that don't make sense.
79
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:03,800
I mean, I do things to try to
help our money situation, when
80
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,800
in all actuality, I'm actually
hurting our situation.
81
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:12,920
You know, I don't know.
It's I'm sorry, I forgot the.
82
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:19,000
Question no, no, no, you're
you're absolutely look for
83
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,760
everybody that's listening and
for me under to to understand is
84
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,480
that we do understand when you
go into mania, sometimes it's
85
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:31,360
not necessarily all you don't
remember or a lot of people
86
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,840
don't remember things.
Now, let me ask you this another
87
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:40,280
question and that is, is there
anything that your partner can
88
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:44,280
do better to help you when
you're feel like you're slipping
89
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,360
away?
What what's the best way to be
90
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:50,680
supportive from a partner's
angle to support you when you
91
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,560
start and feeling these things
coming on?
92
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,480
Well one of the biggest things
he does, it does not help is he
93
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,200
tries to.
When I get upset and start being
94
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,800
all crazy, he tries to hold me
down.
95
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:08,280
And that's not good because he
doesn't want me going anywhere.
96
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,000
He doesn't want me doing
anything stupid, you know?
97
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,560
So in the past he would try to
hold me down, but now he's
98
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:19,560
learned to accept what's
happening and let let it blow
99
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,560
over.
And then we we talk about it
100
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:27,480
because it it takes a little
while for for the mania to
101
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,800
subside.
And I guess you know that.
102
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,480
Of course.
Absolutely.
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00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,640
Sure.
It's the when you say hold you
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00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,160
down, you mean he tries.
I've heard it in other areas
105
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,560
called controlling.
You felt like he was trying to
106
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,760
control you.
Would that be a good analogy?
107
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,760
Oh yeah, I mean, he was trying
to physically hold me down, not
108
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,520
hurt me or in anything in any
way.
109
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,400
He was just trying to keep me
from leaving the house or keep
110
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,640
me from hurting myself or keep
me from hurting him or anybody
111
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,080
else.
He would.
112
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,480
I mean, I've, I've never hurt
anyone else in my mania.
113
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,600
I've always hurt myself.
I got you.
114
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,000
OK.
If, what would you, with your
115
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:16,320
experience, what would you
suggest is the best way when
116
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:20,600
somebody's slipping into mania?
Because for the listeners out
117
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,560
there, it's very well known,
documented that once somebody is
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00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,600
in mania, the last thing you can
do is try to control them.
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They don't want it.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong,
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00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,240
Sherry, anything that I'm
saying, but they don't want
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00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,840
anybody controlling.
And if you try to, for instance,
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00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,880
say, look, give me all the
credit cards and the checkbook
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00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,840
right now, they'll run because
they don't need any.
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Am I wrong in what I'm saying,
Sherry?
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00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,040
Oh, you're absolutely correct.
You're absolutely.
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00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,680
Correct, right.
And so the best way I've heard
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00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,200
of what's called Gray rocking,
but I have you ever heard of
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00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,800
that term, Sherry?
You told me about it the other
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day.
Yeah, it's, it's it's as they're
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accusing, as they're going into
their episode, the more you can
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00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:10,080
and all of this, Sherry, correct
me if I'm wrong, all the more
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you try to control them or
anything else, the worse they
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get.
All you can do is let go.
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00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,040
Well, you, you step back.
I mean, don't necessarily let
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00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,800
go.
You still listen and you're
136
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,640
still there.
You're still present in the
137
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:26,240
moment, but you give them space
and when they come back to when
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00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,080
they know what's going on and
everything's kind of subsided,
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00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:33,600
then you can talk about it and
really, you know, hash what has
140
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,200
happened and what needs to
happen.
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00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,280
I wanted to say something to
Sherry right now.
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00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:43,320
Is that when you said that right
now where after the episode has
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00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:47,120
ended and you go back with your
husband and you all talk about
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00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:53,080
it, That's huge, positive, good
stuff because mine never did.
145
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,280
She never came back.
So the show's not about me right
146
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,280
now.
I'm just trying to say for you,
147
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,920
that's why you're self aware and
that's why you've been together.
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00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,480
None of the many things I'm sure
is it.
149
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:11,080
You all can talk about it later.
And you, you know, I don't want
150
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,760
to get into what you're saying
to your husband because that's
151
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:19,600
private.
Now, when you're in an episode,
152
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:26,800
the do you ever let out your
irritability, let's say, or your
153
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,440
episode outside of the house?
Or is it mainly just with him?
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00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,440
In the beginning it was with
everybody.
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00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:43,240
I was aggressive, I was angry.
I was, I did things like for
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00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:47,960
instance, I have a well, I had a
young child at the time and he
157
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,440
was like 6 or 7 and I was having
him clean the kitchen table and
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00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,400
he didn't clean the kitchen
enough.
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00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,000
And I took him by his neck and
put his face down against the
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table.
And I told him I said, does that
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look clean?
And I will never forget doing
162
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,080
that.
And I don't, I didn't want to do
163
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,680
it, but I did it and I'll never
forget that.
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00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,200
And I've regretted it my whole
life.
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00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:15,360
But I just it's stupid things
like that that happened that and
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00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,640
you know, in a lot of my main
manic times, I would like
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00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:25,280
expressed that I wanted to leave
or I wanted him to leave when
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00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,440
all actually I did not want him
to leave.
169
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,080
I did not want him to give up on
me.
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I wanted him to stay by my side.
But in the moment you say things
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that you don't, you don't mean
you don't really want to happen.
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But a lot of times what happens
is the people that hear those
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things, the partners that hear
those things, they're like, OK,
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you want it to be over and it's
over.
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00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:51,000
And really, if they'd have just
give it a little time and let
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let everything calm down and let
the partner come back,
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00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,400
everything would have been fine
if they'd just given the chance
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to listen, relax and believe and
know that their love is worth it
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through the end.
Well, I wanted to tell you
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something real quick #1 all of
us, everybody listening and you
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00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,440
and me both, everybody's done
stuff we don't like.
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I mean, so that that's a non
issue.
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00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,480
I mean, it's not a non issue.
It's just all of us are human
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and so we're not perfect.
Well, maybe my wife and but
185
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that's a joke.
So, but the, the, the huge
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00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,800
difference and everybody here
listening huge difference once
187
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,680
again is for self-awareness of
the ability to talk about it
188
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:43,480
after the fact and when they're
in an episode and I can't for me
189
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:48,360
personally, I was thrown out
probably 1015 * / 10 years, 10
190
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:52,840
or 15 times and I didn't know
all of this stuff.
191
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,680
So I was in a normal, I was in a
normal relationship mode with
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00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,080
somebody who's bipolar and they
aren't the same.
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00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,960
Correct me again if I'm wrong,
Sherry, but she would throw me
194
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,960
out of the house and I'd go OK,
well, crap.
195
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,280
I she hates me now for some
reason.
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00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,720
OK, I'll make my arrangements.
And then she come back in the
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room later and say, please don't
leave.
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00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,440
But she would never explain why.
She never said she was sorry.
199
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We never talked about it later,
even though I would try.
200
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And she would say that's the
past, let's forget about it.
201
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That's where you're different,
Sherry.
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00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,880
So congratulations.
Thank you so much.
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00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,440
Oh, after all all the research
I've done, kiddo.
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00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,800
Now, is there a question on
there that you saw, the ones I
205
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,720
gave you that you would really
like to answer?
206
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,320
Let me go over that real quick.
But there there is something I
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00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,320
do want to discuss with.
You please.
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00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,160
I know, I know that, and we are
kind of going to bring up your
209
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,360
story if that's all right.
Of course.
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00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,640
I know the the biggest issue
with you, the reason you left
211
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,400
and the reason you gave up on
your wife was because she was
212
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,600
unfaithful.
And that's something that you as
213
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:06,040
a man couldn't get past.
And I understand that you're,
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00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,640
you're going to be, you're not
going to be happy with me when
215
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:13,440
you hear what I'm fixing to say.
I was unfaithful to my husband.
216
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,320
I can't count the number of
times.
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00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:24,640
And it, it's not something that
I really thought about when I
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00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,560
did it.
It's and, and you know how you
219
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:30,880
talked about having the, that
she would give you the most
220
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:37,120
loving look, looks and she would
share herself with you and she
221
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,440
would be with you and just the
looks and the things that she
222
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,200
would do for you would make you
love her so much more and so
223
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much more than just anybody.
You know, the regular person
224
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doesn't normally have that, that
type of deepness, that type of
225
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,360
love and expression in the
relationship.
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00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,560
Do you know what I'm talking
about?
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00:13:55,880 --> 00:14:03,120
Yes.
Well, I, I have that, I do that
228
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:09,240
with him especially, but I just
felt like I wasn't good enough
229
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,920
for him.
Even when I was well, when I
230
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,280
wasn't well, I didn't believe I
was good enough for him.
231
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:20,880
And I would, I would try to
leave and he wouldn't let me.
232
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And he would never give up on
me.
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00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,760
Never.
I mean, every time I did
234
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,440
something, I'd come home and
say, you know what?
235
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:32,320
I just did, and we'd sit down
and we'd cry about it and we'd
236
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:38,000
talk about it and it'd be over.
That's the difference, Sherry.
237
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,080
That's the whole difference
right there.
238
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,560
You came back and we're self
aware and you said I did
239
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,280
something really stupid and I'm
really sorry and you all cried
240
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,200
about it together and then you
went on Mine never did that.
241
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,400
It was always my fault and.
If she had come back and she had
242
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,800
asked you, she had told you what
she did and she had asked for
243
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,560
forgiveness.
She just, if she had come back
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00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,720
and said, you know, this person
from the gym really means a lot
245
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,120
to me, but I love you and you're
my spouse and we're going to
246
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,800
make this work.
I mean, if she'd come back and
247
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,280
said something like that, would
y'all still be together?
248
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,800
Yes, no question.
Done.
249
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,280
Game over.
Yeah.
250
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:26,320
Sorry, That's OK.
I just, I really thought it was
251
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,800
important to touch that base
with you because I do not know
252
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,400
how in our life, I don't know
how he's been able to prefer.
253
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,760
Forgive me.
I to this day still don't
254
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,520
forgive myself the last time.
Go ahead.
255
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,560
I was just going to say
something that you said hit home
256
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:51,160
with me is that maybe she didn't
feel like she needed.
257
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,200
She was good enough for me, even
though she was controlling and
258
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,480
all that other stuff.
I would look at her over and
259
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,880
over again over the years and
say, honey, you look beautiful
260
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,560
or any number of times I would
say stuff like that.
261
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,640
And her response was always the
same.
262
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,960
I'm glad you think so.
Yeah.
263
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,200
Which bleeds into what you just
said.
264
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,040
She didn't like I'm.
Telling you that she didn't feel
265
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:21,480
like she was good enough.
Right, I know.
266
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:30,920
So excuse me.
Yes, but again, I keep on
267
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,720
hammering on the same thing with
you, Sherry.
268
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,480
You're self aware.
That makes all the difference in
269
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,360
the world.
Had she come back to me?
270
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:42,000
Had she that thing with the the
gym that I talked to you about
271
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,800
the Motional Affair for three
months?
272
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,040
Had she gone into the Motional
Affair and then after a month or
273
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,680
so said, you know what, honey,
I'm really sorry this is
274
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:54,720
destroying you emotionally and
the last thing I want to do is
275
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,120
hurt you.
And I don't know why I did it,
276
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,200
but it felt really good.
And I'm sorry.
277
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,960
I would not be having this
conversation with you.
278
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:07,160
I would still be happily married
period, but it was always my
279
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,960
fault.
I was stupid.
280
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,000
Nothing's going on with the guy
at the gym even though we're at
281
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,920
5:00 in the morning with nobody
else around for three months.
282
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,560
And that she was affectionate
with him in front of me at the
283
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,200
club, you know, putting hands on
him and all.
284
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,720
So I'm just saying that's a huge
difference.
285
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,720
Mine didn't have that.
And listeners, if you have one
286
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,280
that doesn't apologize or
doesn't do what she's doing with
287
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,000
her husband, run.
Sorry.
288
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,440
I just.
There aren't more.
289
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:41,760
I mean, I've interviewed many,
many people and I find that if
290
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:47,680
there aren't any or it's more
good times and good feelings and
291
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,280
things to override the bad, it's
not worth it.
292
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,160
Don't stay.
I mean, I really, I really
293
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,440
believe that in my heart if, if
there, if there aren't more
294
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,920
good, you can say more good
times than bad.
295
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,040
I would not stay well, Cher.
One thing I want to add here
296
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,920
though is that I've seen this in
a lot of places too and it was
297
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:15,440
it certainly with mine 780% of
the time or more with her was
298
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,920
fine.
We enjoyed each other, we had
299
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,640
fun together, we did stuff and I
mean, it was a great time.
300
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,560
The problem was the 10 to 20%
and I had a lot of people come
301
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,960
back to me and say the same
thing, partners that the
302
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,160
majority of the time it was
great, but when it was bad, it
303
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,400
wasn't bad.
It was catastrophic.
304
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,960
And so, you know, there's
certainly, that's why I would
305
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,560
say it's a spectrum with
everybody.
306
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:45,680
But with mine, she was fun.
But it's when she broke my trust
307
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,800
with that affair and then
refused to acknowledge it or
308
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,720
anything else that just
furthered the break of trust.
309
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,120
We were done then.
So.
310
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,200
But your research is showing
that.
311
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:03,440
Say that again.
It's just showing that nine
312
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:09,880
times out of 10, if people if if
there aren't more good things in
313
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,920
the marriage than bad, a lot of
times people won't feel like
314
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,880
it's worth their time to stay.
Right or the catastrophic or a
315
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,960
lot of people as you well know,
you know a lot of people, the
316
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,280
infidelity thing is A1 and done
a lot of people ask.
317
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,600
That and I understand that I
would be, that I would, you
318
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,800
know, I was even told him.
I said, you know, if you want to
319
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,080
go out and have a relationship
behind my back, that's fine.
320
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:37,000
I understand.
And I have tried to take my life
321
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,040
so many times because I've hurt
him.
322
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,600
I've slipped my wrists, I've
slipped my arm, I've slipped my
323
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,360
hand.
I've drank antifreeze.
324
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,240
Oh, my sweetheart.
I cannot tell you the things
325
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:52,720
that I have done and.
I'm so glad you failed.
326
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,040
I have failed many times and
I've been in mental hospital.
327
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,880
Can I get you to hold on for one
second?
328
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:01,120
Sure.