"Bipolar I, Psychosis, and 30 Years of Marriage — One Woman's Story Every Partner Needs to Hear"
What does it actually mean to live with bipolar I disorder and psychosis — inside a 30-year marriage? In part two of this conversation, our guest goes places most people never go publicly.
She breaks down what bipolar mania really feels like from the inside — and what she wishes every partner of someone with bipolar disorder understood about it. She walks us through how she personally navigates bipolar depression, not just survives it. She speaks openly about suicidal thoughts — what they are for her, how she recognizes them, and how she manages them. And she closes with direct, hard-earned advice for partners and caregivers who are trying to love someone with a serious mood disorder.
This is the kind of episode that changes how you see things.
Whether you're a spouse, a partner, a family member, or someone living with bipolar disorder yourself, the perspective she shares here is rare — honest, grounded, and without a trace of self-pity.
Bipolar I with psychosis. Thirty years of marriage. And a woman who understands herself better than most people ever will.
Don't miss part one if you haven't heard it yet.
bipolar 1 disorder, bipolar with psychosis, living with bipolar, bipolar and marriage, bipolar mania, bipolar depression, suicidal thoughts bipolar, bipolar partner support, mental illness and relationships, caregiver mental health, bipolar spouse, mood disorder, serious mental illness, The Other Side of Bipolar
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Listen, we can get off of this
subject because it's really
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touchy, if that's OK with you,
because number one, you're a
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wonderful human being.
I so sorry for those type of
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things going on, but it does
touch on a subject of that I
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wonder.
I mean, my wife was incredibly
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beautiful.
She was so funny and so
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vivacious and wonderful, but she
anyway, I, I could have easily
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gotten over the emotional
affair.
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No brainer.
It was a non issue.
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It would have been a non issue,
but she didn't do it.
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In fact, she doubled down on it
after three months.
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I, I don't know whether I told
you she went to a couple of
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friends of ours at the time,
told him about the story without
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me being there and the friends
told me later, Scott, you don't
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have anything to worry about.
She's not having an affair,
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which was bullshit.
Why didn't she talk to me?
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She was just solidifying her
position to show me to being
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stupid.
So now touch on the love that a
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bipolar person bestows on their
partner, that in my opinion, in
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my experience, I had never
experienced it before, The true
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pure love that generates from
bipolar people.
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Describe how that works with
you.
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When, when you're with someone
and you're bipolar, it's like, I
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mean, at least it is from my
point of view that the feelings
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are so much deeper.
The there's so much, I mean,
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you're your feelings, your pain.
I don't know where, where it
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stems from or what you know,
what made your bipolar worse.
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But a lot of times when, when
someone is bipolar, they will
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experience deeper emotions than
your regular person would.
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The I mean, I would give, I
would give my life for my
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husband in in a flat second.
If he would ask me to take a gun
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to my mouth and do it, I would
do it.
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I mean, I would do anything he
asked me to do because that's
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how much I love him.
And I expressed that to him
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every day.
He knows exactly how I feel
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every day.
He's so lucky.
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And if I have a bad day, if I'm
not feeling well, like
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yesterday, I was actually, I was
actually feeling a little
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suicidal yesterday.
And we started talking about it.
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And because I used to be
suicidal every day, that was,
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that was me every day.
That was my answer to
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everything.
And I have not been suicidal
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since 2017, which is when I went
back to school.
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And I tell him every day how
much I love him and how good
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looking he is.
And it's, but it's deeper than
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that.
It's much deeper than that.
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It's, it's not a look that just
an everyday person can give you.
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It's it's from your very soul.
It's.
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I experienced it.
That was the most amazing thing
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I've ever experienced.
And I only experienced that at
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the very beginning, 10 years ago
and right at the end.
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But I'm telling you, I know what
you say because I it was like
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her soul was coming through to
me.
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Yes, but she never said I look
good.
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She never complimented me.
She never did all the things
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that you do with your husband
every day.
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She did not do that because I
understand and correct me if I'm
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wrong here, Sherry, she didn't
want me to be in an independent
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state where I might leave.
Probably.
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Because I mean, for instance,
one time she told me, Scott,
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you're not taking care of
yourself.
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I mean, she was being shitty,
whatever.
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But OK, I was fat.
I gained 30 or 40 lbs and I
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looked at her.
I said, you know what, you're
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right.
So I started going to the gym
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she goes to and I was busting my
butt at the gym and really
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working hard.
She just criticized me, that's
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all she did.
Then later on when I shoulder my
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biceps that were really big and
I'd worked really hard on, she
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would feel them that I'd make a
a muscle and she would, well, I
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don't feel any difference.
I don't feel any difference in
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giggle, giggle, giggle.
All of those things were to
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degrade me so that I was still
low self esteem so I wouldn't
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leave her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, no.
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You're right.
So you telling your husband that
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every day he's good looking,
he's this, he's that, and I love
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you and all these things.
That's why you're still
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together.
That's a huge feather in your
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cap.
I just, you know, I know that
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I'm not anyway much into
depression.
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I can't understand that.
I just never had it that deep.
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But I'm telling you, Sherry,
that's such positive things for
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you.
Oh my thank.
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You so much.
It's the truth.
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What one of the questions you
asked me is there shame or grief
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that comes with piercing it back
together?
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And I want you to know that yes,
I feel constant shame, grief,
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and guilt when it comes to
piercing my life back together.
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Sometimes I wonder what I could
do to make my husband's life
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better or how I can benefit him
the most.
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I know now that all I can do is
stay aggressive in my care and
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take my medication every day.
And there are some days that I
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can feel depression creeping
back in.
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I don't let it.
I just, I let him know what's
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going on and he stays there by
my side every minute, every
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second of my agony.
That's wonderful.
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He's just my rock.
I mean, I cannot.
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My son's the same way.
My, my, I think my
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daughter-in-law has bipolar or
some sort of issues and my son
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is the same way.
He's just like his daddy.
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He stands right beside her and
never wavers.
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I'm very lucky.
I'm very lucky.
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Are there any other questions on
those questions I gave you that
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you feel like you'd like to
answer?
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One of your questions was after
30 plus years what has your
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husband gotten right that you
want other caregivers to hear?
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One thing is have a lot of
patience, a lot of patience.
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Have non negotiables that are
being like no drugs or alcohol
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and never ever ever give up on
your partner even when they ask
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you to.
Yes.
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And you also asked me what kept
him and and you in the marriage
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through the hardest episodes.
And I would say that's the good
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times.
While I understand that no one
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no one bipolar individual is the
same, I can honestly say that
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our good times greatly outweigh
the bad.
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And I have met many people where
the bad outweigh the good.
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And I wouldn't expect anyone in
those circumstances to stay.
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But it's all dependent on your
story.
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And you very valid point because
it when you say wait, I like the
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way that you say that because
it's not necessarily time, it's
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weight, it's weight of the good
times and it's weight of the bad
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times.
You follow me just because 80%
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of the time you're getting along
just fine and everything is
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copacetic.
That doesn't outweigh in my
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experience, all the horrible
negative stuff.
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Now had my wife done what you've
been doing, Sherry, which is hey
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honey, you look great today.
Oh, this is awesome.
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You've done really well.
I encourage you everyday I love
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you.
Everyday I am upholding you or
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whatever.
That would have been very
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different and the ability to say
you're sorry or want to work
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things out, but mine didn't have
that ability and I stuck around
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for 10 years.
But the way what you're saying
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is exactly correct, of course.
I mean, look, at the end of the
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day, we're all human and us
partners here want to try to be
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the best supportive partner that
we can be.
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So I'm hearing you say when they
say get out, get out, get out,
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which I heard, I can't tell you
how many times, even in the
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wheelchair screaming and yelling
at me in the living room to get
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out of the house.
Now they're not really, they're
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not really saying that.
They're just crying out.
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Is that right?
That's right.
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And one thing that caregivers
need to understand that they
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what do you want?
What do we want caregivers to
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understand that they almost
never do is if a bipolar ask
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bipolar partner asks you to
participate in doctor's visits
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or help with their medication,
by all means, please do.
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They might not feel safe
handling their medications or
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they might not trust themselves
to keep up with it with it at
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that particular time.
It won't be forever and they
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might really need help at that
time.
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So just you need to listen is
the big part.
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Yeah.
And mine never asked me to be
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involved the first couple of
years, yes, but after that she
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didn't want me involved.
So this is just two perspectives
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here.
Mine was a bad, bad case
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scenario and yours is a good one
on how to take care of the the
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people that we love the most.
And the the depth of love that
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can come from a bipolar person
is much more in my opinion, than
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anybody else because.
That's a study.
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That's a study in itself, you
know.
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Yeah, I need to.
I need to jump on that one.
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Because we feel it.
I mean, OK, I'll give you the
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scenario.
I'm in my wheelchair at the
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house.
Two or three weeks before I
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left.
She's at kneeling before me,
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cleaning out my urinal, my
freaking urinal, looking up at
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me, describing how she's doing
it with the most loving,
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affectionate eyes.
I've never, I'll never forget
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that.
It was amazing.
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But that was, you know, as we
both know, that was a layer that
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was covered up by 20 other
layers and it's anyway, it is
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what it is.
Listen, in closing, what would
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you like to tell everybody out
there?
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If I could hand every partner of
someone with bipolar one a piece
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of wisdom, I would ask them to
Please remember to take care of
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yourself while the bipolar
partner is suffering, you will
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be too.
Always keep check on your needs
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as well as your partners.
And lastly, lastly, try to know
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that none of this is your fault
nor is it about you.
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Just support them in any way you
can.
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But especially try to stay no
matter what.
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There are good times ahead.
Sherry, you're amazing.
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Thank you so much.
It's been such a pleasure.
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Hold on just a second.