Bipolar Disorder, Cheating, and Emotional Affairs — What Partners Need to Know

0:00 Today we're going to talk about bipolar cheating, affairs, cheating and everything else they say. I've seen some statistics, 5080% of bipolar people cheat. That's outrageous. Outrageous. Why? Because the bottom line is I can't tell you how many times I've read over and over and over again, bipolar is no excuse to cheat. 0 excuse. If you're putting up with it, that's because you're allowing it, and the more you allow it, the more they do it. Period. Bipolar one over and over and over again on the different forms say the same thing.

0:41 I get hypersexual, yes. Very few become hypersexual on their partner like we all probably had when it started. Because you probably got together with your spouse when they were hyper, when they were manic, and when they're manic, they're hypersexual. So they bop the crap out of you for three or four months or whatever it is, and then all of a sudden it's down to 0. What I'm getting to here is people, the cheating is cheating. If you allow cheating, it will happen again. I'm sorry, it just, it just does. I mean, mine cheated. She had an affair, OK. She had an emotional affair at the gym and this is exactly what happened. And it just destroyed me.

1:26 And to this day she still doesn't get it. She was going to the gym to make herself better. That's awesome. I encouraged her. Then she comes back one day from the gym and says, hey, I met this guy. I knew him too, married to another lady that I know, and she said yeah, we're working out together every day. I said OK, whatever. Then I found out they're coordinating the same time to be there together. They're meeting up at 5:00 in the gym and literally another part of the gym that nobody's in. The gym is divided up into two sections. One section is almost blacked out. They were in there at 5:00 in the morning with nobody else around.

2:06 Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding. First red flag. Then I she came back to me one time at the house, I still remember where I was standing and she said yeah, Kenny is his name. Kenny was talking about how much his wife drinks all the time, hides bottles around the house and gambles compulsively, all the money away, blah blah blah. And I looked at my wife and I said that's inappropriate. That should not be going on between 2 married couples and I need for you to break that off because it's wrong. She looked at me and said I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm going to continue doing it. I went. Then over the next three months she did not change.

2:50 She kept going with this guy when I was clearly emotionally destroyed and distraught. She didn't give a shit. Didn't matter to her. Then after three months of me, literally I can't tell you how depressed I was because this was 6-7 years into the marriage and I had no idea that my wife could break trust like that. Because for me, whenever you prioritize another man over your own husband, that's called disrespect in the highest order and not giving a shit what your partner thinks. Period. Destroyed my trust. OK, after three months, I guess when she saw I was so distraught for so long, she went ahead and decided that she was going to go with two of her surface level friends because she doesn't have I'm almost any lifelong friends that are any good and talk to them about it without me there and without telling me. And then one of her friends comes up to me and says, oh, you have nothing to worry about.

3:52 That's called, what is it, triangulation. I learned that word. Why the fuck didn't they include me? Huh? Because she was making sure that make me look like shit, solidify her position, control me and tell me and gaslight me that that's OK. I was destroyed financially. I couldn't leave at that point. But for me at that point, the marriage was over. It was just was. Sure enough, about three years later she went ahead and did it again, this time for me. Now going back to the guy at the gym, do I know if they did anything at the gym? Have no idea. I don't know if they kissed, if they humped, if they did the dump. They do. I don't know.

4:34 I went there two or three times in the morning, at 5:30 in the morning, there was nobody else there, just them. So anyway, to me the trust was broken because of what I said after that right before I left, which really solidified me leaving even though the year before I made all the plans to do it was we went to a club, which is a bar, but it's an American veterans and she was openly checking out another guy that walked in flirting with him openly right in front of me without her wedding rings on. And then at the end of the flirting, I guess the guy asked her, are you married? She looked at me and pointed a finger at me said yeah, that's my husband. I went, that's the most embarrassing thing and it reminded me of big time Alcoholics. They're the same way.

5:21 They just don't give a shit about how it affects other people around him. With that, I was done. Mind you, once again, if you've been reading at all or listening to me, I was in a wheelchair, but I knew it was coming again and I got myself. I pushed myself to the limit every day to be able to drive a car to get out of there because I knew what was coming. She went to ultra ultra rapid cycling where they change every few minutes their emotions. She was throwing me out, yelling and screaming at me and then the next minute cutting my hair and laughing and having a great time. Then going back if I said anything she didn't like screaming and yelling at me and kicking me out of the house. So anyway, it was a pure mess.

6:02 But what I'm getting to is cheating is supposedly part of the deal of hypersexuality. However, I can't tell you how many times I read either the bipolar people say one, I'd never cheat on my husband or two, if I get hypersexual I attack my husband. Which, OK, I'm a guy, if my wife wants to come in and attack me sexually and turn me every which way but loose, count me in, I'm done. I'm a happy camper. But her hypersexuality was geared towards other people. It was more about validation. It was more about seeking other guys, chasing her.

6:46 That's not a person you can put your love into and she had a responsibility to do that and she didn't do it. Why now that I've been able to leave for a year and figure this crap out? She drank all the time. She drank once or twice a week to binge drinking, she smoked cigarettes, she gambled like a fish when she could and she went on every cruise of available and took THC gummies. All of those destabilize the bipolar person. She was taking bipolar meds. I don't know which one cuz she wouldn't let me get involved. At the first she did, but after that she didn't. So she didn't take care of herself and I paid for the price.

7:27 I paid the price. You, if you're listening to this and your spouse is bipolar and they're doing these things that I'm talking to you about, you're responsible for not leaving. You like the pain, then I'm being kind of mean here because that's what it takes. You're not responsible for them. You're not responsible for taking care of them and making sure they're taking their meds. If they love you, they will do these things. If they don't love you or if it's just a convenience, which I believe a lot of times it is, they will do this over and over again because the at the end of the day, they don't want you to leave. I know that doesn't sound anyway correct, but it is.

8:08 They don't want you to leave, but they won't be able. They want to be able to play in the sandbox and do whatever they want. And the minute you let them do it once, they'll do it again and again because in the back of their mind they're going, I probably shouldn't do this, but you know what? They didn't do anything last time. And it feels so good to have these guys gawking at me. Even if I don't fucking, I'll be OK. Well, I don't give a shit if you're doing the deed with him or not. If you disrespect somebody that bad and they walk away, it's their fault. You didn't do anything for that. So anyway, I'm a little hyped up on this crap because I'm angry today. OK, I've been nice, angry crying, but I'm a year out and I'm stupid for staying.

8:49 Don't get me wrong, I was there for 10 years. I should have left her and I tried on numerous occasions just like a lot of other people say too. However, I finally set myself up and I got the hell out and I'm sure she's trashed my name and run it through the mud and said I got all kinds of problems and everything. All I knew was I had to get out of there because I'm not going. I have more love for myself than to be disrespected by that kind of crap. Oh and this doesn't even go into the fact that the same time of the fair in the gym, the same guy was at the club that we went to and you should have seen her. She was sitting right across from me on several occasions, literally Google eyed at this dude, admiring him.

9:35 He was standing there. I'll never forget. I'm watching her and him and she's looking at him like he's God. And then she takes her hand, puts it up in the air and puts it right on top of his, on top of his hand. I went good God, did I put up with it? Yes. Am I stupid because of it? Yes. But I'm not stupid forever. Wake up people. If they cheat on you, they will do it again and you will stay with it. Now saying this as well, if you got kids, I understand. I know it's not easy to leave something like that. A lot of people stay together because of the kids and then once the kids get out of high school or college, they're gone. Wake up, take care of yourself.

10:20 You have to because they will drive you in the ground if you let them.