"Bipolar Disorder and Cheating: Why Hypersexuality and Infidelity Repeat Without Real Consequences"

0:00 All right, I'm sitting on my porch, so if you hear some wind, thank you for listening to my podcast. Again, all bipolar people are on a spectrum. Mine had bipolar woman psychosis, married to her for 10 years. This episode's about cheating. I'm going to be very specific here. After all the reading and everything I've done, cheating is the deal breaker. It was for me and it should be for you. That's my opinion. I know people can stay around because they got no financial ability to leave. And my 10 year marriage after six years of that, where we were a team, yeah, there was ups and downs and horribles and back and forth, but I was always rock solid knowing that my wife and I were a team.

0:47 We're a partnership. Then I find out she's going to the gym with this guy at 5:00 in the morning. The details aren't important. What I'm trying to relay is my experience personally and the fact that it's been validated over and over and over again in all the forms and everywhere that I've looked around. Some people may not like it. I really don't care. Trust in a marriage is everything, period. And when they cheat on you, which they may be hypomanic, they may be manic, whatever. If they cheat on you, leave in my opinion. I know it's easy to say it's difficult to do. However with my personal experience, she started going with this guy at the gym. Again, the details aren't important. What the details are important is I let her know I thought it was inappropriate and to stop.

1:41 I didn't know if it was a physical, whether it was physical, I still don't, but I'm just saying. And so she looked at me and said no, I'm not going to let go of this relationship. There's nothing going on. He's just a friend. Us guys know what that means and to not worry about it. For three months I was devastated and she didn't give a crap. And to this day she still doesn't care. Well, I left her ten months ago. So but to the before I left, I mentioned it. She said nothing went on. That's a problem of yours. That's not the point. If you love somebody in a relationship, if if you do something that hurts your partner, you stop doing it, whatever it is, period. That's how you make a partnership and a strong marriage.

2:32 You don't tell your partner, oh, I'm with another dude and it's no big deal and you've got to get over it. So what I'm trying to say is that's my experience. All it does when you let them off the hook is let them know that you're not going to leave if they do stupid shit because their main concern is you leaving. That's what it is. The 99% of the time they just don't want you to leave. But it also means it doesn't necessarily mean they love you. They need you. There's a difference. Learn the difference. So she didn't care about me and what I'm trying to say.

3:14 Overall, with all of my experiences and I've read over and over and over, I can't tell you how many times people saying that they forgive the cheating because it was manic. And then again, they go manic, they cheat again, they go hypomanic, they cheat again, physical. Sometimes they even brag about it. Oh, it was no big deal, but we had great sex for one night, No big deal. And the people stay with them again. I understand if if you've got kids and you've got financial difficulties or whatever and you can't leave, I understand that. But if you can, you're stupid if you stay because it will only repeat. The one central theme of bipolar, and nobody will correct me on this is that it is cyclic. It just goes around and around and I don't care if they're medicated, unmedicated, going to a therapist, going to a psychiatrist.

4:09 The only thing for sure we're the bipolar person is they're going to have a tremendous amount of emotional upheaval and instability. And I don't care if they're medicated or not. The medicated, yes, makes it not as extreme most of the time. But remember something central to everything, central to everything. If they're medicated with you and they literally, literally only miss two or three days of taking their medicine, they can go straight into mania. When they go into mania, then they go off the drugs. They feel great. And when you tell them they need to take care of it, they'll tell you you're crazy and it's your problem and they'll continue doing their stuff, blowing their life and your marriage.

4:51 This happens after 20-30, forty years. The central theme of this podcast, once again, is the same thing. What I said, if they cheat, that's a character issue. It's not a bipolar issue. Yes, bipolar people get hypersexual. They do. I've read very few stories, but a few that when the woman, for instance, get hypersexual, she goes and attacks her husband sexually. Well, all right, if you're a guy, that's like heaven on earth. We love that. All right? Oh, you're going to sexually traumatize your husband and then make him have sex all the time? Oh poor him. At least that's my opinion.

5:33 Mine didn't do that. She would get hypersexual 'cause I could tell and then she'd be out openly flirting with guys, which was at the end of my deal. When she was flirting on top of everything that happened. That's when I said bullshit and left. You know I'm sure to this day nothing happened. I asked her why were you flirting with that guy right in front of me? She said, oh, he was gay. Now a woman that loves you will say, my goodness, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't really. Or maybe I was kind of flirting with him, but that was wrong and I shouldn't have done it in front of you. And I'm sorry to hurt your feelings. That's a normal conversation. Mine literally when I told her that she said he's gay.

6:18 That's it. That's the way their mind works, which was obvious, not he wasn't gay. She checked him out big time. Since then I found out that she was doing that with other guys too. I don't know how much she cheated. It didn't matter. I got out period. And to be honest with you, I got out basically broke. I was so traumatized I packed up my car, had 1000 bucks and and moved 1000 miles away because I know I had to. I didn't know any of the circumstances of what I was going to do, but I had to leave. So but with the cheater, there's an old saying that once a cheater, always a cheater. I happen to believe that 100%, especially if they're in mania.

6:59 Once again, if you don't know the semantics of the whole thing, when they go hypomanic or manic and hypersexual, yes, that means they're much more interested in sex, but it does not force them to. I use the analogy, if you're a bipolar person is working, they go to work every day, they do their job and they come home and then they're hypersexual or Tucci like shit and blah blah blah blah. You know what? If they did that exact same thing at work, they'd be fired, wouldn't they? They sure would be. They'd be fired immediately for that kind of crap on the in the job workforce. But they can go home and do it to you, which tells me, and it should tell you they have the ability to contain it and not do it. Because if they're able to work and keep their job, that means they can, they can work around it. They don't have to be that shitty. They don't have to be hypersexual with their other employees and affectionate and everything else. They do it by choice.

8:04 And so when they get around you, they go first. I need this person in my life. I don't want to be left and abandoned. So if I push their boundary a little bit, what happens? Oh, they didn't do anything, then they cheat and they didn't do anything. Well, shit, that means I can do it more. That's what you're setting yourself up for. The first thing that you should do when they cheat is literally walk out the door. Even if you know it's only for a couple of days, there has to be consequence. You can't just fight them on it or be mean or yell and scream and not leave. Your leverage on them is leaving. So leave for a day, but don't tell them anything. Don't say I'm going to leave for a couple of days and come back. Don't say shit, all right?

8:51 Just pick up your keys, look at them and say that's unacceptable. Pack a bag and walk out the freaking door with your If you got kids, take them with you. Take the kids with you. Stay in a motel room for a night or two, but do not tell them. Don't say where. If they say where are you going, it's none of your damn business. Cheaters don't get any information. Oh, when are you going to be back? I don't know if I'll ever be back. You're a fucking cheater. Don't even say I don't know, just say I'm not coming back and leave and see what happens. If they're still manic, they may not call you immediately, but they need to know there's a consequence to their actions because if there isn't, they will do it again for sure.

9:34 If there is, they still may do it again. And quite frankly, they do do it, at least all the stories I've read. So because I got so angry and irritated and anxious and everything else and she could care less, my wife could care less back then. I haven't filed for divorce from my wife yet. You know why? Because she threatened the mother of my kids. My ex-wife before her threatened her. The only leverage I have on you is your ex wife's not doesn't have a green card yet. She's been in the states for 10 years, married to a green girl and got a kid. She'll get it in the next two or three months. When she does, then I'm going to file. But you're dealing with dynamite here, folks. Make a decision and stick to it, but don't think for a minute that they're not going to cheat again. And also to just in closing, my relationship with my wife was great 7080% of the time, but the 10 to 20% of the time it was an absolute chaos.

10:35 Drive you to your knees, make you go insane type stuff. So that doesn't overcome the good times. It just didn't for me and most people it doesn't. Hang in there people. Please leave a comment if you'd like, and if you would like to be interviewed here, that would be great. It obviously can be anonymous, but contact me and let me know if you'd like to be interviewed here because it would be very beneficial for everybody. And to be honest, it would be very beneficial for you to get it out and talk about it. Take care everybody. God bless.