Bipolar Discard: Why You Still Want Them Back (Even After Cruelty)

Hello, everyone. I’m not a therapist. I’ve just got a lot of experience with this. Today I want to talk about bipolar discard, whether they ever come back, and a question that may be even harder to answer: Do you really want them back?

I’ve wondered about this myself. I’ve read about it so many times over the last year and a half since I left my wife, who has bipolar I with psychosis and whom I loved dearly. People ask over and over again: “Will they come back?” I understand why. When you’re madly in love with someone and the pain of losing them is excruciating, you want another chance. If you’re listening to this and feeling that way, you’re not alone.

But I have to ask you: Deep down, do you really want them back?

I asked my wife a couple of times to come back. She wouldn’t even talk to me. Looking back, that may have been a blessing. I had been through so much trauma and pain that I think I might have had another emotional breakdown if she had said yes.

We had incredibly wonderful times together, too. I’d say our relationship was good 80 to 90 percent of the time. That’s what makes leaving so difficult. But the other 10 to 20 percent could be catastrophic.

I want to be clear that bipolar disorder is a spectrum, and people’s experiences differ. My wife was never violent, but she could be incredibly cruel and mean. She could also be incredibly kind. That contrast was hard to live with.

So, will they come back? From the stories I’ve read, sometimes they do. They may call after a few weeks, a few months, or even a couple of years. But when you hope they’ll come back, you may be imagining that they’ll return because they love you and want to rebuild the relationship. You can’t know that from the fact that they contacted you. In my experience, someone may also return because they want the comfort and stability you provided.

I know what it feels like to be the person someone comes home to and unloads on after presenting a different face to the world. People who haven’t lived through that may not understand the rage or cruelty you experienced. That’s why I keep coming back to the same question: Do you really want to return to that relationship? Be honest with yourself.

If you have children together, you may still need to deal with each other as parents. But getting back together is a separate decision.

This is about relationships, too. If someone left you or cheated on you and then wanted to come back, would you take them back? For me, the answer is no. I’ve heard people try to justify cheating because the person was experiencing mania or hypersexuality. I understand those symptoms can affect behavior, but I don’t want to excuse the hurt or ignore what happened in the relationship.

I’ve read stories from people who took a partner back after months or years apart, only to be left again soon afterward. That doesn’t mean it happens every time. I’m speaking from my own experience and from what I’ve read, not from a clinical perspective. But if you’ve been discarded—or if you left and are hoping they’ll come back—please think carefully about what would actually change before you return.

I know how painful it is to let go. I’ve spent the last year going through that pain and putting my life back together. As hard as it has been, I believe moving forward without my wife was the healthier choice for me.

Boundaries matter. I’ve heard from people who said their partner’s behavior changed when they set a firm boundary and followed through. In my own marriage, my wife had an emotional affair five years ago. She was terrified that I would leave, but I stayed. Later, it happened again. I have to be honest with myself about that history when I think about whether I’d take her back.

I know many of you miss the sweet, kind person you remember. I do, too. It’s natural to want that person back. But missing the good times doesn’t erase the harm, and a reunion by itself doesn’t tell you whether the relationship will be different.

So ask yourself what you would need to see before considering another chance. Look at actions over time, not just the relief of hearing from them again. And remember that you’re allowed to choose a life that feels safe and peaceful, even when you still love someone.

Love you guys. If this resonates with you, leave a comment. And if you’re listening on Apple Podcasts, I’d appreciate a review. Take care, and have a great day.