May 29, 2026
Bipolar Discard Warning Signs: How to Know When It's Coming (A Partner's Guide)
If you're living with or loving someone with bipolar disorder, one of the most devastating experiences you may face is the bipolar discard — when your partner suddenly ends the relationship, often with no warning, no closure, and no apparent remorse. But is it really without warning?
In this episode of The Other Side of Bipolar, we look at the discard from the partner's perspective — the subtle and not-so-subtle signs that something is shifting before the bottom drops out. From emotional withdrawal and sudden blame-shifting to rewriting relationship history and the silent treatment that comes out of nowhere, these red flags often appear weeks before the discard itself.
Whether you've already been through a bipolar discard and are trying to make sense of it, or you're in a relationship right now and something feels off, this episode is for you. Understanding the warning signs doesn't just give you time to prepare — it gives you the clarity to stop blaming yourself.
Topics covered:
What a bipolar discard actually is and why it happens
The behavioral warning signs partners report seeing in advance
How manic episodes and mixed states fuel the discard pattern
Why the person with bipolar often rewrites history and projects blame
What you can do — and what you can't — when you see it coming
The Other Side of Bipolar is the podcast that centers the partner and caregiver experience. You are not alone.
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Hello everybody.
Today I want to talk about
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00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:07,920
trying to understand or see the
discard that may be coming.
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00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:13,400
That's a discard from your
bipolar person because sometimes
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00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,440
it does happen immediately, but
most of the time they're
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00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,240
certainly signals.
One of the biggest, biggest
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signals is that they start
withdrawing, which is normal in
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00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,280
any relationship.
They start drawing away from
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00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,280
you.
But the reasons why they do it
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00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,280
are immensely different.
A person that's bipolar will, at
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00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,400
least in my experience with my
wife, it took years, quite
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00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,120
frankly, the years that I saw it
coming because it's so
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00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,800
confusing, as you can probably
understand, because one minute
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they're loving and nice and the
next minute they're devaluing
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you.
I saw that over the last couple
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00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,960
of years.
I started noticing instead of me
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being a hero, it was me being
devalued.
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00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,920
Like when I would work out,
she'd say it doesn't make any
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sense.
When I would try to better
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myself, she didn't want me to,
even though if you asked her,
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she would probably say, yes, of
course I want my husband to get
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better.
But at the same time, I could
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see where she didn't care if I
got better.
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So that was the interesting
thing, mean interesting thing
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for me to look back on over
these years that I would the 10
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years I was with her.
I mean, one time at the gym I
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was doing circuit training,
which is one of the most
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difficult parts because you keep
your cardiovascular system and
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blood pulse rate high and doing
weights at the same time.
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She looked at me and told me
that doesn't make any sense.
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Why are you doing that?
It doesn't make any sense.
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Even the manager of the gym said
it doesn't make any sense.
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Now whether that's true what the
manager said or not, you would
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think a wife would be happy that
her husband is sweating like a
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pig and working his ass off at
the gym, but she wasn't.
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00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:07,720
Now why is the big question?
Because the number one thing for
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00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:12,000
a bipolar worse person in my
opinion is they don't want you
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00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,200
to leave.
They want you to be dependent on
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00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:20,480
them.
They want you to never be able
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00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,560
to be independent enough to walk
away from them.
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That's all that matters.
They're controlling because of
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00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:30,400
that.
Look at your situation with your
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00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:36,000
bipolar spouse and start seeing
the reality of this stuff that
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00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,560
happened.
It happened to me again.
44
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,160
Not every bipolar person is the
same, definitely.
45
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,920
However many of them are.
They control you because they
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00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,240
don't want to lose you.
If you bring up something that
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bothers you, they don't want to
hear about it most of the time.
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00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:57,120
They're more interested in how
they feel and how you make them
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00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,720
feel.
So I just wanted to briefly get
50
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,520
on here because this is an
important one because the
51
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,520
discard is so destabilizing for
you.
52
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:11,880
I have read stories of people,
1520, thirty years of a happy
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00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,600
marriage, and all of a sudden
there's a life stressor, like
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00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,200
somebody passes away or you move
a house or you have a kid or
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something happens and they
discard you overnight.
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That's the scariest part.
I didn't get that.
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In fact, mine, who was a woman,
she never discarded me.
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She didn't.
But at the end she did some
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horrible things.
Extremely disrespectful.
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Flirting with guys right in
front of me and then telling him
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that she was married, all
without her wedding ring on.
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That kind of shit.
That's me.
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She doesn't respect me at all.
Now in Mania, maybe she didn't,
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maybe she did respect me and
normally I don't know.
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I don't think so.
The last couple of years have
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00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:03,160
just whittled away because quite
frankly, I don't know about you,
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00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,600
but when you go through so many
ups and downs with people like
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this and so much inconsistency,
you lose disrespect for them.
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You lose any kind of motivation
to be romantic or to really take
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00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,440
care of them because they 'cause
you so much pain and they pick
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00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,960
up on that.
So that's somewhat normal.
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We can't say they're abnormal
because they get resentful too.
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But you know when your partner
yells and screams at you for
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stupid stuff or put you in a
three day, you know, no contact,
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you eventually get tired of this
stuff.
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I mean it destroys your own self
because they don't want you
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happy.
They want you controlled so they
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know you won't leave.
That's very prophetic, but it's
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absolutely the truth.
Understand what you're living
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with.
If you're a young person, 'cause
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I'm in my mid 60s.
If you're a young person trying
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to figure out bipolar, sorry,
get out.
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You will be miserable.
And don't get me wrong, there's
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00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,960
many great marriages to bipolar
people.
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However, I'll tell you
specifically what it takes.
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The bipolar person has to be
self aware.
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They have to know they have a
problem, they have to know that
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they have to do things on a
daily basis to get better, and
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they have to know how to
apologize and change their ways.
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If they don't, you are in for a
horrible experience.
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I'm so sorry, but it's the
truth.
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They will see your weakness as
the ability for them to do
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whatever they want.
Like for the cheating or
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emotional cheating.
If you don't leave them when
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they emotional cheat the first
time they're in their minds,
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they go oh that felt great.
It was so valetating.
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I didn't do anything.
I didn't have sex with the
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person, and I know I really hurt
my significant other, but
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they're OK with it, so I can do
it again.
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That's the way they think.
Sorry.
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That is what your future is
going to be.
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You have to leave.
You have to sit them down and
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say if you ever do that crap
again and you ever get off your
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meds again, if you don't go to
your psychiatrist as you're
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supposed to, then I'm leaving
and they're going to go.
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In their mind.
Yeah, that's what they say.
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Yeah, whatever.
But if it happens again and you
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literally don't talk to them and
you walk out the door, that's
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possible.
But you got to stay away.
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And just because you walk out
doesn't mean they're going to
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come back to you.
That's not what I'm saying.
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I'm saying for your own sanity,
you better do these things.
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It's rock solid on psychiatry
and experience here, folks.
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You have to be able to walk away
if you want to try to make it
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work again.
If you walk out, that doesn't
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mean they're going to chase you,
but a lot of times they do.
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But a lot of times they don't.
That's why this thing's insane.
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If they're not those things that
I talked about before, you have
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to get out because the cheating
will continue.
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The emotional affairs are very
exciting to them and they think
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in their mind like mine did.
Oh, I didn't have anything.
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I we didn't do anything.
Well, number one, I wasn't there
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for the three months she had an
emotional affair with a guy at
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the gym, him talking shit about
his current wife to my wife.
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She totally, totally
disrespected me because when I
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told her I was hurting
emotionally because of this and
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it was so difficult for me
because she wouldn't give up
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00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,880
that relationship, she said, oh
it's your problem, not mine.
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A true partner in a relationship
does not want to hurt their
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partner.
That's just the truth.
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These people can be very
self-centered, very egotistical,
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very hyper sexual.
At the same time you're setting
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yourself up for diseases and for
heartbreak if you sit through
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one of these things.
I did.
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00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,880
The emotional affair was four
years ago.
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00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,560
I tried to get away but I
couldn't financially.
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00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,280
Then I finally could get away
financially when she was openly
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flirting with men in front of me
without a wedding ring on.
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Grow up people, get you a good
one.
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These people can be wonderful
partners, don't get me wrong,
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but they must fulfill everything
I talked about.
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If they don't you're, you're
setting yourself for big
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problems.
Take care, love to everybody.
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Bye.
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,480
Hello everybody.
Today I want to talk about
2
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:07,920
trying to understand or see the
discard that may be coming.
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:13,400
That's a discard from your
bipolar person because sometimes
4
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,440
it does happen immediately, but
most of the time they're
5
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,240
certainly signals.
One of the biggest, biggest
6
00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:24,000
signals is that they start
withdrawing, which is normal in
7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,280
any relationship.
They start drawing away from
8
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,280
you.
But the reasons why they do it
9
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,280
are immensely different.
A person that's bipolar will, at
10
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,400
least in my experience with my
wife, it took years, quite
11
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,120
frankly, the years that I saw it
coming because it's so
12
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,800
confusing, as you can probably
understand, because one minute
13
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,800
they're loving and nice and the
next minute they're devaluing
14
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,120
you.
I saw that over the last couple
15
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,960
of years.
I started noticing instead of me
16
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,760
being a hero, it was me being
devalued.
17
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,920
Like when I would work out,
she'd say it doesn't make any
18
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,120
sense.
When I would try to better
19
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,760
myself, she didn't want me to,
even though if you asked her,
20
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,600
she would probably say, yes, of
course I want my husband to get
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00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,240
better.
But at the same time, I could
22
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see where she didn't care if I
got better.
23
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,800
So that was the interesting
thing, mean interesting thing
24
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,000
for me to look back on over
these years that I would the 10
25
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,120
years I was with her.
I mean, one time at the gym I
26
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,760
was doing circuit training,
which is one of the most
27
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:34,640
difficult parts because you keep
your cardiovascular system and
28
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:39,280
blood pulse rate high and doing
weights at the same time.
29
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,800
She looked at me and told me
that doesn't make any sense.
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00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,480
Why are you doing that?
It doesn't make any sense.
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00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,080
Even the manager of the gym said
it doesn't make any sense.
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00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:53,320
Now whether that's true what the
manager said or not, you would
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00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:57,920
think a wife would be happy that
her husband is sweating like a
34
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,760
pig and working his ass off at
the gym, but she wasn't.
35
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:07,720
Now why is the big question?
Because the number one thing for
36
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:12,000
a bipolar worse person in my
opinion is they don't want you
37
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,200
to leave.
They want you to be dependent on
38
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:20,480
them.
They want you to never be able
39
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,560
to be independent enough to walk
away from them.
40
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,920
That's all that matters.
They're controlling because of
41
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:30,400
that.
Look at your situation with your
42
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:36,000
bipolar spouse and start seeing
the reality of this stuff that
43
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,560
happened.
It happened to me again.
44
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:42,160
Not every bipolar person is the
same, definitely.
45
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,920
However many of them are.
They control you because they
46
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,240
don't want to lose you.
If you bring up something that
47
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,520
bothers you, they don't want to
hear about it most of the time.
48
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:57,120
They're more interested in how
they feel and how you make them
49
00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,720
feel.
So I just wanted to briefly get
50
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,520
on here because this is an
important one because the
51
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,520
discard is so destabilizing for
you.
52
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:11,880
I have read stories of people,
1520, thirty years of a happy
53
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,600
marriage, and all of a sudden
there's a life stressor, like
54
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:20,200
somebody passes away or you move
a house or you have a kid or
55
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,960
something happens and they
discard you overnight.
56
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,160
That's the scariest part.
I didn't get that.
57
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,560
In fact, mine, who was a woman,
she never discarded me.
58
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,560
She didn't.
But at the end she did some
59
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,320
horrible things.
Extremely disrespectful.
60
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,360
Flirting with guys right in
front of me and then telling him
61
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,720
that she was married, all
without her wedding ring on.
62
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,120
That kind of shit.
That's me.
63
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:50,880
She doesn't respect me at all.
Now in Mania, maybe she didn't,
64
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:56,600
maybe she did respect me and
normally I don't know.
65
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,760
I don't think so.
The last couple of years have
66
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:03,160
just whittled away because quite
frankly, I don't know about you,
67
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,600
but when you go through so many
ups and downs with people like
68
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:11,400
this and so much inconsistency,
you lose disrespect for them.
69
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:16,920
You lose any kind of motivation
to be romantic or to really take
70
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,440
care of them because they 'cause
you so much pain and they pick
71
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,960
up on that.
So that's somewhat normal.
72
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,280
We can't say they're abnormal
because they get resentful too.
73
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,000
But you know when your partner
yells and screams at you for
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stupid stuff or put you in a
three day, you know, no contact,
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you eventually get tired of this
stuff.
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I mean it destroys your own self
because they don't want you
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happy.
They want you controlled so they
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know you won't leave.
That's very prophetic, but it's
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absolutely the truth.
Understand what you're living
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with.
If you're a young person, 'cause
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I'm in my mid 60s.
If you're a young person trying
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to figure out bipolar, sorry,
get out.
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00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:07,840
You will be miserable.
And don't get me wrong, there's
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00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,960
many great marriages to bipolar
people.
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00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:14,200
However, I'll tell you
specifically what it takes.
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00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,800
The bipolar person has to be
self aware.
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00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:22,680
They have to know they have a
problem, they have to know that
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00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,960
they have to do things on a
daily basis to get better, and
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00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,920
they have to know how to
apologize and change their ways.
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00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,320
If they don't, you are in for a
horrible experience.
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00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,720
I'm so sorry, but it's the
truth.
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00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:41,200
They will see your weakness as
the ability for them to do
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00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,680
whatever they want.
Like for the cheating or
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00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,600
emotional cheating.
If you don't leave them when
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00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,360
they emotional cheat the first
time they're in their minds,
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00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,800
they go oh that felt great.
It was so valetating.
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00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,880
I didn't do anything.
I didn't have sex with the
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00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,520
person, and I know I really hurt
my significant other, but
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00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,000
they're OK with it, so I can do
it again.
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00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,760
That's the way they think.
Sorry.
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00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,840
That is what your future is
going to be.
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00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,920
You have to leave.
You have to sit them down and
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00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,280
say if you ever do that crap
again and you ever get off your
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00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,040
meds again, if you don't go to
your psychiatrist as you're
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00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,920
supposed to, then I'm leaving
and they're going to go.
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00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,120
In their mind.
Yeah, that's what they say.
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00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,040
Yeah, whatever.
But if it happens again and you
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00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:30,000
literally don't talk to them and
you walk out the door, that's
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00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,480
possible.
But you got to stay away.
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00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,600
And just because you walk out
doesn't mean they're going to
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00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,680
come back to you.
That's not what I'm saying.
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00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,720
I'm saying for your own sanity,
you better do these things.
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00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:46,160
It's rock solid on psychiatry
and experience here, folks.
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00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:50,120
You have to be able to walk away
if you want to try to make it
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00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,000
work again.
If you walk out, that doesn't
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00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,320
mean they're going to chase you,
but a lot of times they do.
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00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:00,320
But a lot of times they don't.
That's why this thing's insane.
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00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,080
If they're not those things that
I talked about before, you have
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00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,240
to get out because the cheating
will continue.
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00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:11,120
The emotional affairs are very
exciting to them and they think
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00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:15,000
in their mind like mine did.
Oh, I didn't have anything.
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00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,440
I we didn't do anything.
Well, number one, I wasn't there
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00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,600
for the three months she had an
emotional affair with a guy at
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00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,240
the gym, him talking shit about
his current wife to my wife.
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00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:30,320
She totally, totally
disrespected me because when I
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00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,040
told her I was hurting
emotionally because of this and
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00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,960
it was so difficult for me
because she wouldn't give up
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00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,880
that relationship, she said, oh
it's your problem, not mine.
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00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,400
A true partner in a relationship
does not want to hurt their
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00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,640
partner.
That's just the truth.
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00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,920
These people can be very
self-centered, very egotistical,
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00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,480
very hyper sexual.
At the same time you're setting
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00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:59,960
yourself up for diseases and for
heartbreak if you sit through
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00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,080
one of these things.
I did.
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00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,880
The emotional affair was four
years ago.
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00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,560
I tried to get away but I
couldn't financially.
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00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,280
Then I finally could get away
financially when she was openly
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00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,760
flirting with men in front of me
without a wedding ring on.
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00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,640
Grow up people, get you a good
one.
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00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,520
These people can be wonderful
partners, don't get me wrong,
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00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,280
but they must fulfill everything
I talked about.
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00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,400
If they don't you're, you're
setting yourself for big
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00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,000
problems.
Take care, love to everybody.
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Bye.