Bipolar Discard: The Unexpected Ways It Changes You as a Partner and Caregiver"
– The Unexpected Gift Nobody Asked For: Growing Through the Bipolar Discard
If you've been on the receiving end of a bipolar discard, you know the devastation. The confusion. The silence where a relationship used to be. It feels like pure loss — and in many ways, it is.
But here's what nobody talks about: you may be coming out of this a fundamentally different person. A better one.
In this episode, I get honest about something I've lived through myself — the quiet, almost invisible growth that happens when you love someone with bipolar disorder through the worst of it. The empathy you develop when you spend years learning to read someone else's emotional world. The patience that gets forged in the fire of waiting, hoping, and holding on. The emotional maturity that comes from having to regulate yourself when everything around you is unpredictable.
These aren't small things. These are rare human qualities that most people spend a lifetime trying to build — and you built them in the crucible of one of the hardest relationships a person can experience.
You didn't just survive the discard. You were being shaped by it — maybe even before it ended.
This one is for everyone who came out the other side wondering what they have left. The answer might surprise you.
The Other Side of Bipolar — because the partner's story matters too.
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Hello everybody.
Today I'm going to talk about
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something that's really
encouraging and I've noticed it
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in myself.
As many of you know, I was in a
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10 year relationship with a
bipolar one wife with psychosis
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that I love very much and I
still do.
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I'm about 10 months out from the
discard right now and I just
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wanted to talk to you about if
you're still in the relationship
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of struggling or dealing with
the grief of separation.
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You'll eventually and in the
future I think understand that
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your daily fight along your with
your bipolar partner has
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profoundly changed you.
I know in your mind you're going
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no kidding dude.
However, I want you to see
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something because it's actually
positive how it's changed you.
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You, or at least I, and I don't
know if you can resonate with
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this, manage to love, support,
and care for somebody
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fundamentally dysfunctional.
You need to understand that.
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I know when you're in the middle
of it you don't.
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But understand that someone that
you're loving is caring.
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A void that no one and nothing
in the world could ever fill due
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to their mental illness.
Not because they want it, They
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certainly don't, and not because
you want it.
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It's heartbreaking, I know.
If you're listening to me.
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And with a bipolar partner, you
desperately want to fix it.
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You want to take care of it.
You want to make it better.
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I'm sorry, I don't know how to
tell you to do that because
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after all these long sessions, I
don't see how it can be they're
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going it.
It's, it's a horrible disease.
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It's detrimental to them and to
us.
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But you can't fix it.
You cannot love your way out of
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it.
It doesn't work that way as I
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see it.
And maybe you know or don't
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know, this is a progressive
disease, even if they're
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medicated, if they're
unmedicated, forget it.
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I don't know.
But what you might not yet see
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is all the abuse that you
endured.
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I know after I left I couldn't
imagine all the stuff I went
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through that I started
remembering what was going on
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and the the valuation of shitty
comments, the not being nice to
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me.
I mean, working out at the gym
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and her telling me that circuit
training she doesn't understand
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and then somehow validating the
gym manager saying it didn't
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make any sense either with
circuit training is one of the
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hardest you could do in the gym
anyway.
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It's irrelevant.
What I'm what I want you to
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understand, or at least I
understood, is that you're
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somehow we're nurturing A
superpower.
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Now I know that may not may not
make sense, but the superpower
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is your patience.
If you look back or in the
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middle of it right now, you've
got a lot more patience and
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understanding and empathy than
you did before.
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I've known people that have been
through this too, and they say
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the same thing.
The partners like us, how their
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understanding, patience, and
emotional maturity have really
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flourished since they've left.
I hear this a lot.
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So I just want you to understand
something.
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There is a positive to this
mess.
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I hope that you have the ability
to either not let it affect you,
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but if it is affecting you, if
it is affecting you negatively,
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you seriously need to think
about leaving because it doesn't
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get better.
You can't make them love harder.
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There's tons of stories out
there where guys and girls are
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married 20-30 years, they have
all the money in the world,
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everything's freaking perfect
and boom.
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So be aware of that.
All I can tell you is I love and
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I still love her with all my
heart.
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However, is it slowly draining
your potential?
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Are you slowly?
I think somebody talked about
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are you watering a lawn?
That's always going to be
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noncommittal and not able to
give back what you put in.
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They won't be able to do it.
I realize now that my patience
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and empathy for other people is
10 times more than it was
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before.
Because when you're with a
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bipolar person you got to learn
to keep your mouth shut.
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Sorry.
If they're into manic or
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hypomanic, you don't want to
criticize them.
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Oh my God the world of shit will
come down on top of you.
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So I don't know, understand
something that there is a
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positive to this.
All right.
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The positive is that you're
learning as a person, patience
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and empathy, more empathy,
understand something too.
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The more you stay in this, If
it's a negative experience for
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you, it's not going to get
better.
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Some people, granted I have read
some people that said, oh, they
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finally got their drugs figured
figured out and they're great.
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They've been gone to it or
they're together another two or
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three years since they came back
and everything's copacetic.
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Awesome.
Positive stories are always
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good.
I cut in now.
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Granted all of these different
forms and everything else, it's
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always people wanting to talk
negative before the positive
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because the positive people
don't talk about it that much.
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True statement.
But if you're in a negative
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situation and they won't take
their meds or don't do the
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things they should, understand
where it's going.
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But I can guarantee you, you're
much more patient and empathetic
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and sweet because you've been
through this, because you
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understand how difficult it is
on them.
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But don't sell yourself short.
I sold myself short.
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I certainly did.
I didn't see my wealth, self
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worth.
In fact, when I met her, I was
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doing great.
By the time it was over, I was
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destroyed.
I'm sorry.
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I just emotionally destroyed,
mentally destroyed, exhausted,
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which I hear a lot.
They're just completely
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exhausted.
Even though it might be going
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well for right now.
You're waiting for the next shoe
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to drop or something to happen.
And then the blistering attack
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on you all the while outside the
public, they're the perfect
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partner.
That is so difficult.
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And the fact that you can't talk
to anybody, it's just nuts.
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You can't talk to anybody about
it.
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And I'll tell you this right
now, this is the first time I've
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said this, but you know, if
somebody wanted to talk to me
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about what's going on with them,
I'm more than glad to talk to
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him on the phone.
Just contact me or write a
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comment and I'll contact you,
whatever.
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But I'd love to talk to you
about your experience, what's
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going on.
I'm not a psychotherapist, I'm
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not a doctor.
I don't know shit from anything
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other than I know something
about bipolar and the
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relationships.
I lived it for 10 years starting
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with mania and ending with
mania.
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So please feel free to do that
and be more than glad to talk to
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you.
But understand something.
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You're a good person for
sticking around.
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You're a great person for doing
it.
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It's changed you and a lot of
ways for the better and some of
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the negative ways.
Obviously you don't want to
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trust anybody.
That's the sad part of it.
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But if you'll do the work, if
you'll talk it out, if you'll go
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to a therapist or if you can't
go to a therapist, you know,
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talk to me or talk to other
people about it that know the
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experience and they can help you
through it.
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I'll be more than glad to do it.
But again, I'm not a doctor, I'm
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not a therapist, I'm not
qualified other than 10 years
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and hundreds and hundreds of
hours of educating myself on
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this stuff to know what's
realistic and what's not.
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I wish you the best, God bless
you.
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And if you know of somebody that
might be able to use this
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podcast to help them, please let
them know you take care.
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Bye.