April 27, 2026
Bipolar Discard: The Unexpected Ways It Changes You as a Partner and Caregiver"
– The Unexpected Gift Nobody Asked For: Growing Through the Bipolar Discard
If you've been on the receiving end of a bipolar discard, you know the devastation. The confusion. The silence where a relationship used to be. It feels like pure loss — and in many ways, it is.
But here's what nobody talks about: you may be coming out of this a fundamentally different person. A better one.
In this episode, I get honest about something I've lived through myself — the quiet, almost invisible growth that happens when you love someone with bipolar disorder through the worst of it. The empathy you develop when you spend years learning to read someone else's emotional world. The patience that gets forged in the fire of waiting, hoping, and holding on. The emotional maturity that comes from having to regulate yourself when everything around you is unpredictable.
These aren't small things. These are rare human qualities that most people spend a lifetime trying to build — and you built them in the crucible of one of the hardest relationships a person can experience.
You didn't just survive the discard. You were being shaped by it — maybe even before it ended.
This one is for everyone who came out the other side wondering what they have left. The answer might surprise you.
The Other Side of Bipolar — because the partner's story matters too.
1
00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:03,720
Hello everybody.
Today I'm going to talk about
2
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:09,560
something that's really
encouraging and I've noticed it
3
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:14,320
in myself.
As many of you know, I was in a
4
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:18,400
10 year relationship with a
bipolar one wife with psychosis
5
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,600
that I love very much and I
still do.
6
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:26,320
I'm about 10 months out from the
discard right now and I just
7
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,440
wanted to talk to you about if
you're still in the relationship
8
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:33,000
of struggling or dealing with
the grief of separation.
9
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:38,720
You'll eventually and in the
future I think understand that
10
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:43,560
your daily fight along your with
your bipolar partner has
11
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,720
profoundly changed you.
I know in your mind you're going
12
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,880
no kidding dude.
However, I want you to see
13
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,040
something because it's actually
positive how it's changed you.
14
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:59,600
You, or at least I, and I don't
know if you can resonate with
15
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,360
this, manage to love, support,
and care for somebody
16
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,560
fundamentally dysfunctional.
You need to understand that.
17
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,400
I know when you're in the middle
of it you don't.
18
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:18,920
But understand that someone that
you're loving is caring.
19
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,120
A void that no one and nothing
in the world could ever fill due
20
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,120
to their mental illness.
Not because they want it, They
21
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,200
certainly don't, and not because
you want it.
22
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,520
It's heartbreaking, I know.
If you're listening to me.
23
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,360
And with a bipolar partner, you
desperately want to fix it.
24
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,200
You want to take care of it.
You want to make it better.
25
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,960
I'm sorry, I don't know how to
tell you to do that because
26
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:50,000
after all these long sessions, I
don't see how it can be they're
27
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,960
going it.
It's, it's a horrible disease.
28
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,320
It's detrimental to them and to
us.
29
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:59,440
But you can't fix it.
You cannot love your way out of
30
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:03,640
it.
It doesn't work that way as I
31
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,720
see it.
And maybe you know or don't
32
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,840
know, this is a progressive
disease, even if they're
33
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,400
medicated, if they're
unmedicated, forget it.
34
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,880
I don't know.
But what you might not yet see
35
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,960
is all the abuse that you
endured.
36
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:26,880
I know after I left I couldn't
imagine all the stuff I went
37
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,920
through that I started
remembering what was going on
38
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:35,680
and the the valuation of shitty
comments, the not being nice to
39
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,480
me.
I mean, working out at the gym
40
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:42,360
and her telling me that circuit
training she doesn't understand
41
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,960
and then somehow validating the
gym manager saying it didn't
42
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,440
make any sense either with
circuit training is one of the
43
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,880
hardest you could do in the gym
anyway.
44
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,040
It's irrelevant.
What I'm what I want you to
45
00:02:54,040 --> 00:03:00,560
understand, or at least I
understood, is that you're
46
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:05,680
somehow we're nurturing A
superpower.
47
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,360
Now I know that may not may not
make sense, but the superpower
48
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:14,280
is your patience.
If you look back or in the
49
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:18,400
middle of it right now, you've
got a lot more patience and
50
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,480
understanding and empathy than
you did before.
51
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,320
I've known people that have been
through this too, and they say
52
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,000
the same thing.
The partners like us, how their
53
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,840
understanding, patience, and
emotional maturity have really
54
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:37,760
flourished since they've left.
I hear this a lot.
55
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,360
So I just want you to understand
something.
56
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,160
There is a positive to this
mess.
57
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:49,000
I hope that you have the ability
to either not let it affect you,
58
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,240
but if it is affecting you, if
it is affecting you negatively,
59
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,280
you seriously need to think
about leaving because it doesn't
60
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,920
get better.
You can't make them love harder.
61
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,840
There's tons of stories out
there where guys and girls are
62
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,680
married 20-30 years, they have
all the money in the world,
63
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,320
everything's freaking perfect
and boom.
64
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:14,760
So be aware of that.
All I can tell you is I love and
65
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,959
I still love her with all my
heart.
66
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:22,280
However, is it slowly draining
your potential?
67
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,960
Are you slowly?
I think somebody talked about
68
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:31,000
are you watering a lawn?
That's always going to be
69
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,680
noncommittal and not able to
give back what you put in.
70
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:41,040
They won't be able to do it.
I realize now that my patience
71
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,720
and empathy for other people is
10 times more than it was
72
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,480
before.
Because when you're with a
73
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,840
bipolar person you got to learn
to keep your mouth shut.
74
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,240
Sorry.
If they're into manic or
75
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,640
hypomanic, you don't want to
criticize them.
76
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,000
Oh my God the world of shit will
come down on top of you.
77
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:04,160
So I don't know, understand
something that there is a
78
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,560
positive to this.
All right.
79
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:11,160
The positive is that you're
learning as a person, patience
80
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,240
and empathy, more empathy,
understand something too.
81
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,520
The more you stay in this, If
it's a negative experience for
82
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,640
you, it's not going to get
better.
83
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:27,040
Some people, granted I have read
some people that said, oh, they
84
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,840
finally got their drugs figured
figured out and they're great.
85
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,080
They've been gone to it or
they're together another two or
86
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,600
three years since they came back
and everything's copacetic.
87
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,760
Awesome.
Positive stories are always
88
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,480
good.
I cut in now.
89
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,160
Granted all of these different
forms and everything else, it's
90
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,040
always people wanting to talk
negative before the positive
91
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,520
because the positive people
don't talk about it that much.
92
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,520
True statement.
But if you're in a negative
93
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,720
situation and they won't take
their meds or don't do the
94
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,240
things they should, understand
where it's going.
95
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:07,200
But I can guarantee you, you're
much more patient and empathetic
96
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,880
and sweet because you've been
through this, because you
97
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,240
understand how difficult it is
on them.
98
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,720
But don't sell yourself short.
I sold myself short.
99
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,440
I certainly did.
I didn't see my wealth, self
100
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,360
worth.
In fact, when I met her, I was
101
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,800
doing great.
By the time it was over, I was
102
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,600
destroyed.
I'm sorry.
103
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:34,000
I just emotionally destroyed,
mentally destroyed, exhausted,
104
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,240
which I hear a lot.
They're just completely
105
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,840
exhausted.
Even though it might be going
106
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:43,280
well for right now.
You're waiting for the next shoe
107
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:46,720
to drop or something to happen.
And then the blistering attack
108
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:51,480
on you all the while outside the
public, they're the perfect
109
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,560
partner.
That is so difficult.
110
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,720
And the fact that you can't talk
to anybody, it's just nuts.
111
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,640
You can't talk to anybody about
it.
112
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,760
And I'll tell you this right
now, this is the first time I've
113
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,520
said this, but you know, if
somebody wanted to talk to me
114
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,680
about what's going on with them,
I'm more than glad to talk to
115
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,640
him on the phone.
Just contact me or write a
116
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,800
comment and I'll contact you,
whatever.
117
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,600
But I'd love to talk to you
about your experience, what's
118
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,120
going on.
I'm not a psychotherapist, I'm
119
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,800
not a doctor.
I don't know shit from anything
120
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,320
other than I know something
about bipolar and the
121
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,200
relationships.
I lived it for 10 years starting
122
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,320
with mania and ending with
mania.
123
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,200
So please feel free to do that
and be more than glad to talk to
124
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,400
you.
But understand something.
125
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,520
You're a good person for
sticking around.
126
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,280
You're a great person for doing
it.
127
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:49,160
It's changed you and a lot of
ways for the better and some of
128
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,720
the negative ways.
Obviously you don't want to
129
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,320
trust anybody.
That's the sad part of it.
130
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,360
But if you'll do the work, if
you'll talk it out, if you'll go
131
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,480
to a therapist or if you can't
go to a therapist, you know,
132
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,720
talk to me or talk to other
people about it that know the
133
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,760
experience and they can help you
through it.
134
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,680
I'll be more than glad to do it.
But again, I'm not a doctor, I'm
135
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,680
not a therapist, I'm not
qualified other than 10 years
136
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,960
and hundreds and hundreds of
hours of educating myself on
137
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,880
this stuff to know what's
realistic and what's not.
138
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,000
I wish you the best, God bless
you.
139
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:31,520
And if you know of somebody that
might be able to use this
140
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,240
podcast to help them, please let
them know you take care.
141
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:35,760
Bye.
00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:03,720
Hello everybody.
Today I'm going to talk about
2
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:09,560
something that's really
encouraging and I've noticed it
3
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:14,320
in myself.
As many of you know, I was in a
4
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:18,400
10 year relationship with a
bipolar one wife with psychosis
5
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,600
that I love very much and I
still do.
6
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:26,320
I'm about 10 months out from the
discard right now and I just
7
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,440
wanted to talk to you about if
you're still in the relationship
8
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:33,000
of struggling or dealing with
the grief of separation.
9
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:38,720
You'll eventually and in the
future I think understand that
10
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:43,560
your daily fight along your with
your bipolar partner has
11
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,720
profoundly changed you.
I know in your mind you're going
12
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,880
no kidding dude.
However, I want you to see
13
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,040
something because it's actually
positive how it's changed you.
14
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:59,600
You, or at least I, and I don't
know if you can resonate with
15
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,360
this, manage to love, support,
and care for somebody
16
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,560
fundamentally dysfunctional.
You need to understand that.
17
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,400
I know when you're in the middle
of it you don't.
18
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:18,920
But understand that someone that
you're loving is caring.
19
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,120
A void that no one and nothing
in the world could ever fill due
20
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,120
to their mental illness.
Not because they want it, They
21
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,200
certainly don't, and not because
you want it.
22
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,520
It's heartbreaking, I know.
If you're listening to me.
23
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,360
And with a bipolar partner, you
desperately want to fix it.
24
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,200
You want to take care of it.
You want to make it better.
25
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,960
I'm sorry, I don't know how to
tell you to do that because
26
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:50,000
after all these long sessions, I
don't see how it can be they're
27
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,960
going it.
It's, it's a horrible disease.
28
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,320
It's detrimental to them and to
us.
29
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:59,440
But you can't fix it.
You cannot love your way out of
30
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:03,640
it.
It doesn't work that way as I
31
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,720
see it.
And maybe you know or don't
32
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,840
know, this is a progressive
disease, even if they're
33
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,400
medicated, if they're
unmedicated, forget it.
34
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,880
I don't know.
But what you might not yet see
35
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,960
is all the abuse that you
endured.
36
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:26,880
I know after I left I couldn't
imagine all the stuff I went
37
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,920
through that I started
remembering what was going on
38
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:35,680
and the the valuation of shitty
comments, the not being nice to
39
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,480
me.
I mean, working out at the gym
40
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:42,360
and her telling me that circuit
training she doesn't understand
41
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,960
and then somehow validating the
gym manager saying it didn't
42
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,440
make any sense either with
circuit training is one of the
43
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,880
hardest you could do in the gym
anyway.
44
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,040
It's irrelevant.
What I'm what I want you to
45
00:02:54,040 --> 00:03:00,560
understand, or at least I
understood, is that you're
46
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:05,680
somehow we're nurturing A
superpower.
47
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,360
Now I know that may not may not
make sense, but the superpower
48
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:14,280
is your patience.
If you look back or in the
49
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:18,400
middle of it right now, you've
got a lot more patience and
50
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,480
understanding and empathy than
you did before.
51
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,320
I've known people that have been
through this too, and they say
52
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,000
the same thing.
The partners like us, how their
53
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,840
understanding, patience, and
emotional maturity have really
54
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:37,760
flourished since they've left.
I hear this a lot.
55
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,360
So I just want you to understand
something.
56
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,160
There is a positive to this
mess.
57
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:49,000
I hope that you have the ability
to either not let it affect you,
58
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,240
but if it is affecting you, if
it is affecting you negatively,
59
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,280
you seriously need to think
about leaving because it doesn't
60
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,920
get better.
You can't make them love harder.
61
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,840
There's tons of stories out
there where guys and girls are
62
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,680
married 20-30 years, they have
all the money in the world,
63
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,320
everything's freaking perfect
and boom.
64
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:14,760
So be aware of that.
All I can tell you is I love and
65
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,959
I still love her with all my
heart.
66
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:22,280
However, is it slowly draining
your potential?
67
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,960
Are you slowly?
I think somebody talked about
68
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:31,000
are you watering a lawn?
That's always going to be
69
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,680
noncommittal and not able to
give back what you put in.
70
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:41,040
They won't be able to do it.
I realize now that my patience
71
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,720
and empathy for other people is
10 times more than it was
72
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,480
before.
Because when you're with a
73
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,840
bipolar person you got to learn
to keep your mouth shut.
74
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,240
Sorry.
If they're into manic or
75
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,640
hypomanic, you don't want to
criticize them.
76
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,000
Oh my God the world of shit will
come down on top of you.
77
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:04,160
So I don't know, understand
something that there is a
78
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,560
positive to this.
All right.
79
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The positive is that you're
learning as a person, patience
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and empathy, more empathy,
understand something too.
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The more you stay in this, If
it's a negative experience for
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you, it's not going to get
better.
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Some people, granted I have read
some people that said, oh, they
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finally got their drugs figured
figured out and they're great.
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They've been gone to it or
they're together another two or
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three years since they came back
and everything's copacetic.
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Awesome.
Positive stories are always
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good.
I cut in now.
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Granted all of these different
forms and everything else, it's
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always people wanting to talk
negative before the positive
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because the positive people
don't talk about it that much.
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True statement.
But if you're in a negative
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situation and they won't take
their meds or don't do the
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things they should, understand
where it's going.
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But I can guarantee you, you're
much more patient and empathetic
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and sweet because you've been
through this, because you
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understand how difficult it is
on them.
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But don't sell yourself short.
I sold myself short.
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I certainly did.
I didn't see my wealth, self
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worth.
In fact, when I met her, I was
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doing great.
By the time it was over, I was
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destroyed.
I'm sorry.
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I just emotionally destroyed,
mentally destroyed, exhausted,
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which I hear a lot.
They're just completely
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exhausted.
Even though it might be going
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well for right now.
You're waiting for the next shoe
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to drop or something to happen.
And then the blistering attack
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on you all the while outside the
public, they're the perfect
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partner.
That is so difficult.
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And the fact that you can't talk
to anybody, it's just nuts.
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You can't talk to anybody about
it.
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And I'll tell you this right
now, this is the first time I've
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said this, but you know, if
somebody wanted to talk to me
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about what's going on with them,
I'm more than glad to talk to
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him on the phone.
Just contact me or write a
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comment and I'll contact you,
whatever.
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But I'd love to talk to you
about your experience, what's
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going on.
I'm not a psychotherapist, I'm
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not a doctor.
I don't know shit from anything
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other than I know something
about bipolar and the
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relationships.
I lived it for 10 years starting
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with mania and ending with
mania.
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So please feel free to do that
and be more than glad to talk to
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you.
But understand something.
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You're a good person for
sticking around.
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You're a great person for doing
it.
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It's changed you and a lot of
ways for the better and some of
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the negative ways.
Obviously you don't want to
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trust anybody.
That's the sad part of it.
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But if you'll do the work, if
you'll talk it out, if you'll go
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to a therapist or if you can't
go to a therapist, you know,
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talk to me or talk to other
people about it that know the
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experience and they can help you
through it.
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I'll be more than glad to do it.
But again, I'm not a doctor, I'm
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not a therapist, I'm not
qualified other than 10 years
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and hundreds and hundreds of
hours of educating myself on
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this stuff to know what's
realistic and what's not.
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I wish you the best, God bless
you.
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And if you know of somebody that
might be able to use this
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podcast to help them, please let
them know you take care.
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Bye.